cape_kore | 002 \\ Sherlock Holmes \\ [Audio]

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002 \\ Sherlock Holmes \\ [Audio]

Have none of you lot managed to get murdered yet? Really, isolated community with few resources and no established legal system and none of you are even remotely psychopathic? Could nobody so much as pretend?

[It's just not decent, this many ostensibly remarkable people being this incredibly boring.]

Barring that, I don't suppose anyone happens to have found a violin? Or... anything of any remote interest at all?

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Wow. Love you, too, Fluffy. Maybe we're all just hella-civilized. You can mess with my drums if you want.

My name is Sherlock, and I don't want to 'mess with your drums'. Drums don't help me think, violin helps me think. How about cigarettes?

[The words all spill out of him rapidly, impatiently, spit out like he can't wait to be done with them and on to something else. Someone, in other words, is a little high-strung at the moment.]

[GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASP]

You just told me your NAME. Oh my god. We're getting closer. Okay, okay, I'll see what I can do about the violin. Cigarettes... ask one of the cool kids? I saw this really huge, super quiet guy smoking a cigar the the other day.

It doesn't matter!

[There comes a noise which sounds suspiciously like Sherlock flopping heavily and dramatically down onto something.]

I'll be dead soon anyway. This place will do me in. How can you all be so dull?

Dull? Dude. You gotta get out more. Most of these people are super awesome. You just gotta know how to get into the right kind of trouble!

... I don't suggest shooting dudes in the face when they're actually all-powerful villain-types, btw. Sharon gets mad.

Forgive me if I'm not exactly keen on taking your word on the matter as gospel. What you qualify as trouble is probably less dangerous than what I do for a living. I would say that I can't blame you for not knowing any better as you're boring, but that's your fault and I do.

I am... not entirely sure why you would want anyone here to get murdered?

Pretend to be murdered? To be entirely honest with you, buddy, it doesn't sound like the most appealing way to spend my day. But hey, if you wanna give it a shot, I'm sure we can find someone willing to do the honours and knock you out for a bit.

Well, you're all a bit dull, aren't you? If you're not going to be interesting while alive then at least you could give me some work.

Pretend to be a psychopath, actually; anybody you feel like offing? Don't tell me about it, just do it, and try to be clever.

There's people here who might say I wouldn't need to pretend. Sadly, tempting though it is, if I do shank any of the people here I'd like to, I'd be the prime suspect. Don't know if you've ever been accused of murder by a bunch of stab-happy rednecks, but on the off chance you haven't? One star, would not recommend. It's not exactly a barrel of laughs, even for the easily amused.

...You want someone to pretend to be a psychopath?

An imperfect solution I admit; I doubt any of you are clever enough to pull it off properly.

...Why do you want someone to do that?

Rednecks, no, plenty of other people yes; see your point, but if I cared about inconveniencing other people I'd not have brought it up.

Because I'm bored, why bloody else? I'd settle for somebody, somewhere doing something interesting for a change but I feel that's a bit too much to ask, better to offer the low-hanging fruit to this particular crowd.

...Uh, maybe we can find you an old band room with a violin or something.

WOW! Rude. I'm amazing, and you're a wang. Why don't you go tangle with those robot bears in the forest? That should be interesting.

[That... oh. Sherlock is silent for a few seconds. It's not a good silent. It's a 'carefully considering actually doing what you just said' silent.]

I'll need copper wire, aluminium foil, some nails -- five inch preferably -- some batteries, shotgun shells, and a great deal of luck.

[Daneel frowns, not in the least comfortable or pleased about this.]

I don't see why you would want someone to come to harm. I could not allow that, in any case.

Because I'm bored. I can't be expected to sit around and wait for... for someone to break into my house and try to kill me again, for instance; already happened once, not likely to happen again, not here. I need work. Interesting work. Not work that's going to electrocute me when I try to take it apart, either.

[What he's not explicitly saying, what he won't explicitly say, is that even Sherlock Holmes, for all his madness and misanthropy, doesn't like feeling useless.]

I understand that must be difficult, but surely it can't be preferable that a human might come to harm. It's not an acceptable exchange, sir.

[He might be polite, but he's also stern.]

I know, right? It gets boring without something other than the cameras and missing food happening. A murder would be just the thing. Depending on who it is, of course.

[Veronica's tone is, as it nearly always is, tinged with sarcasm. It's difficult to tell if she's being serious or not.]

Either you haven't spent much time getting to know anyone here, or you and I have a vastly different idea of what constitutes interesting. And what sort of work might that be, Mr...?

I don't like to make assumptions, but I think if you cared about inconveniencing people you might not have suggested murder as a pastime.

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