003 | Dirk Gently | Day 113

[zen_navigator]

[Dirk flickers into view with what looks like plaster in his hair. He doesn't look especially happy.]

I have been here for over a month. I'm aware that many of you have been here for longer stretches of time. This does not change the fact that things don't exactly seem to be improving. Since I arrived, I've had a piece of mysterious technology strapped to my wrist, been surveilled, starved, had my mind invaded on who knows how many levels, and predicted something I could not stop like some sort of botched Greek allegory for human inefficiency.

[He growls, and the scenery behind him shifts, as if he's pacing back and forth in his bedroom. He's gesticulating wildly with his free hand, and barely containing the other from doing the same.]

There is nothing to do here except talk about how there is nothing to do here. I have made a map of locations of surveillance cameras which is completely useless, my cheese is entirely gone, and there's an entirely unnatural skylight growing in the ceiling of my bedroom!

[He ruffles a hand through his hair, dislodging a small cloud of plaster, and sighs.]

If anyone can help with the increasingly unsound state of my roof, please do let me know.

[video out]

Comments

[bluesrat]

I can try to be. Not a professional, sorry, but I've done some construction work. Just give me directions.

[servingmichael]

How much structure is damaged, for starters. How critically.

[ Humans seriously. ]

[zen_navigator]

[He shrugs to her first question, but soon his amused expression breaks into something more serious.] Then why not make me disappear? Or send one of those mechanical bears after me? Poison the food. Something with less of a possibility for failure. [He shakes his head.] No, it was too imprecise to be a targeted attack. [Detective skillz!]

[zen_navigator]

As is their God-given right, I'm sure.

[He pauses and raises an eyebrow at Gabriel.] The last time we talked, you disappeared spontaneously. [Like...completely and immediately. It was a bit jarring if he's being honest with himself. He's still under the impression that this is a strange guy named Loki.] Bit flashy, wasn't it?

[ video ]

[zen_navigator]

[Hey, meet another person who met Dean first. Whoops. He's just going to assume that's who this is until further evidence presents itself.] What sort of compensation?

[zen_navigator]

Some is better than none, I suppose. It would be helpful to know if the whole thing is waiting to collapse.

It's House Thirteen, across from the diner.

[monticora]

[ It happens. Alec has been trying to fly under the radar though with all the crap going on. It just seems easier. ] Something that'll make me wanna carve time out of my day to learn how. Got any booze? I'll do whatever you need for alcohol. [ It'd probably be better if he offered to do it free. He's probably not making many friends with his outlook, but this place isn't home. One day he'll need all this stuff he's collecting. ]

[zen_navigator]

There is a half bottle of some hideous liqueur in the kitchen. Melon or ginger or something. Does that suit your purposes? ['Learn how' doesn't exactly fill him with confidence, but an offer is an offer.]

[zen_navigator]

Someone has offered to come look. If this works out, he can assess the damage here.

[any1youwant]

[She listened intently, the wheels in her head obviously spinning as she processed what he said. It might have been obvious for him, but what he was saying was very important pieces of information for her. She knew people disappeared on a fairly regular basis, but this really drove it home.]

No warnings... you'd just be gone? [Maybe she was reading way too much into everything.]

[zen_navigator]

I don't believe anyone has ever seen a disappearance. There was another young man living here who disappeared not long after I arrived. There one day, gone the next. [If she seems worried, it's not something that he's caught onto yet.]

[any1youwant]

[She tried to mask how hurt and scared she really was, putting on a fake, small smile. She didn't like not feeling in control, not having a plan, and it was finally starting to really set in how much she, all of them, were at the mercy of their captors.]

What did you do?

... anything? [She felt sick. In the pit of her stomach she knew no one would be bothered for long if she disappeared.]

[zen_navigator]

I...looked. There wasn't much else to do. [He frowns and bends to pick up one edge of his coverlet, dumping plaster into the hallway in the process.] Sometimes the missing return. You may yet meet him.

[monticora]

I can work with that. Really hoping it's not ginger though. Sounds like a huge drag. [ If you want anyone fixing your roof it's probably Alec. Not that he'll back anything up with credentials or anything that could help prove he's not a sham. ] You give me the booze and I'll fix your roof problem.

What's you name?

[zen_navigator]

[This question earns Alec an annoyed squint. Look, there's only so much detail and nuance to be picked up on these tiny screens.] Dirk. You don't remember?

[monticora]

I don't know you, curly sue. Don't get your panties in a wad. I'm Alec. [ Oh. Right. He knows Dean. That's the same look he gets all the time. It's really starting to become a problem. Why does he know everyone? What a social little butterfly he is. ] You know Dean. Great. Me and him aren't the same person. Different worlds. Different lives. You good?

[zen_navigator]

[He pauses for a moment before nodding. He's very accepting of weird things that come his way, this one is easy.] Yeah. Alec. Never call my curly sue again. I'm adding that to our deal. [There's no threat behind the imperative, but definitely some displeasure.]

i wish i knew why alec is the way he is

[monticora]

You just took the fun right out of my day, man. [ It's not really him trying to be a dick. If he wanted to be a dick then he woulda gone for something a little harsher. It's just Alec's way of showing that he's cool with you. It's how Alec shows affection. If he can fuck with you then you're completely fine in his eyes.

He looks rather pouty about being denied the ability to call him curly sue. ] You're a big fun sucker.

[any1youwant]

[She purses her lips, but she can't think of much else he could have done either, or much else she'd be able to do. It terrified her.] If I go missing, would you look for me? [It was a strange question. In fact, Raven was a little surprised she'd even said it out loud.]

[bluesrat]

I know that one, I think. That'll make hauling materials over easier, too. I'll be right over in a few minutes, if that's okay?

[zen_navigator]

[Dirk is used to being the one poking fun. He doesn't like it the other way around. And he is TONS OF FUN how dare he.] As it turns out, I've had another offer, so you don't need to come over after all.

[monticora]

[ He can totally poke fun at Alec, but Alec is good at dishing it just as much as he takes it. Though mainly he dishes it. He tends to pout when he has to take it. It's usually because Max is the one dishing it and he hates when she wins. It's horrible and it pisses him off. ] Is it because I called you curly sue? Is that melon crap still on the table? I can easily do something else. [ He wants that liquor, man. ]

[hung_garian]

I'm a flashy kind of guy. I didn't dazzle you too badly, did I?

[servingmichael]

Good. Good luck.

[zen_navigator]

Sounds excellent, thank you.