003 | Dirk Gently | Day 113

[zen_navigator]

[Dirk flickers into view with what looks like plaster in his hair. He doesn't look especially happy.]

I have been here for over a month. I'm aware that many of you have been here for longer stretches of time. This does not change the fact that things don't exactly seem to be improving. Since I arrived, I've had a piece of mysterious technology strapped to my wrist, been surveilled, starved, had my mind invaded on who knows how many levels, and predicted something I could not stop like some sort of botched Greek allegory for human inefficiency.

[He growls, and the scenery behind him shifts, as if he's pacing back and forth in his bedroom. He's gesticulating wildly with his free hand, and barely containing the other from doing the same.]

There is nothing to do here except talk about how there is nothing to do here. I have made a map of locations of surveillance cameras which is completely useless, my cheese is entirely gone, and there's an entirely unnatural skylight growing in the ceiling of my bedroom!

[He ruffles a hand through his hair, dislodging a small cloud of plaster, and sighs.]

If anyone can help with the increasingly unsound state of my roof, please do let me know.

[video out]

Comments

[any1youwant]

Hey stranger. [Why she's even using the video instead of just walking down the hall to see him is a mystery.]

I don't mind sharing my room. I'll even help you move your bed. It's the least I can do. Some of the house seems completely stable and untouched.

[She offers him a small, but genuine smile.]

[zen_navigator]

[Well now he feels a bit silly for the shouting.] Hey.

The hole in my ceiling is growing. Or perhaps the plaster has just given up its will to live. I'm not sure which. [He looks upwards, no doubt at the said hole in the ceiling.]

Maybe just until this gets fixed. [This would be Dirk gratefully excepting her offer, if she couldn't tell.]

[any1youwant]

Well, the way I see it, you gave me the spare room you'd most likely be using right about now. I'll come help you move your bed... or at least the mattress. Unless, it's covered in plaster. [She looked at the camera pointedly.] Is it covered in plaster?

[zen_navigator]

Not entirely. [This look would be him admitting that, yes, it is covered in plaster.] I'll just...take the sheets off, shall I?

[any1youwant]

[She raises an eyebrow and sighs.] Well... [She knows she's going to regret this, but...] I don't mind sharing the bed, but if you try anything funny I'll- [She pauses, reigning herself in and puts on a terrifyingly cheery smile before continuing.] You'll be sorry, if you do, hun.

[hung_garian]

There might be some cheese in the store - not the real kind, of course. The kind that comes in a spray can and tastes like pre-chewed gum.

[He grins, fully aware of just how helpful he's (not) being.]

You could use it to patch up your roof, if nothing else. Might be a decent substitute for Polyfilla.

Video

[servingmichael]

How much structure is effected, or don't you know?

[zen_navigator]

[It's okay, he's taking the nonhelpfulness as a sign that he doesn't know what to do either.]

Might be effective. I doubt that canned cheese decays very quickly.

Re: Video

[zen_navigator]

I'm not a contractor. Do you see me wearing a tool belt and funny plastic hat?

[He looks up and sighs] There was a sort of...loud crack, during the quake, and things haven't progressed in any sort of encouraging manner since then. It's possible that something load-bearing broke.

Video

[servingmichael]

It's possible something load-bearing broke and you are still using the room?

[ ...Dirk please don't be that stupid. ]

[zen_navigator]

[This is a man that had a giant hole in his floor for years that went unfixed. At least he's being proactive. Still. Raphael makes a valid point.]

I'm clearing out now. If the rate of collapse stays constant, I should have the time. [And yes, he is in the process of throwing his plaster-covered pillows and sheets out into the hallway.] All of this would be unnecessary, of course, if someone would bother to fix it.

to action?

[zen_navigator]

[Okay, pleased, and then immediately not so pleased.] As pleasant as that threat of violence is, I think I'll just remove the sheets. [Down the hall, his door opens, and he deposits plaster covered sheets and pillows out in the hall before heading back inside to see what he can do about the mattress. He can probably wash the sheets somehow later. Or find new ones.]

[servingmichael]

My suggestion would be to take a video of it and see if someone is able to determine the severity.

sounds good!

[any1youwant]

[She gets up and pushes her door open, leaning one hip against the door frame as she watched him slowly salvage what he could.]

As long as you're a gentleman, then you won't have to worry about any violence. I think that's a fair thing to ask. Better than sleeping on the floor, don't you think? I honestly don't mind... as long as you don't try anything dishonorable.

[bluesrat]

There's... probably some lumber still left from the work we did on the diner, but it depends how bad the damage is. You probably should keep out of the room until somebody comes and looks it over.

[hung_garian]

I'm told by those in the know that when we have our nuclear apocalypse, it's the only thing that might outlast the cockroaches.

[zen_navigator]

[Well, at least that's...a step in the right direction.] Yes, so I've been told. You wouldn't happen to be a 'somebody', would you?

[zen_navigator]

What's to determine? It's a hole. [he swivels the view around awkwardly until it catches the damage.] In the roof.

[zen_navigator]

Those in the know, hm? Expert carpenters, are they?

Re: sounds good!

[zen_navigator]

[He pauses in his own doorway, looking into his room. The mattress would be a pain to move, but it's entirely possible. Whether or not it would actually fit in the other room is debatable, but a crowded floor might be preferable to...waking up without his genitalia, or whatever else her threat had implied.] Yes, better than sleeping on the floor...until my hand strays of its own accord in the middle of the night and I wake up a eunuch.

[He walks over to his pile of sheets, picks up a pillow, and shucks off the pillowcase. He's still not entirely sure she knows what she's getting into here.] I talk in my sleep. Sometimes loudly and with variable accuracy regarding future events. [He clutches the pillow to his chest.] I've been told it is intolerable.

[any1youwant]

Oh, don't worry! [No, really, worry.] I won't jump to the knives right off the bat. You might get a half awake slap though.

It's worth a try right? If we can't tolerate each other after one night... or a few hours, then we'll figure something else out.

[She walked over and picked up a blanket to shake it out a bit, attempting to show her good will by helping out a little.] Do you think you always dream about the future? And just don't remember most of your dreams?

[zen_navigator]

[He's...okay, he's nodding.] That seems...reasonable.

[He chuckles at her suggestion about all of his dreams being true] No. Definitely no. Unless I have a twin somewhere that gets up to some very surreal things.

[ video ]

[monticora]

[ Alec is a transgenic. With the enhanced senses, speed, strength and everything comes enhanced intelligence. Alec learned to play concert piano in days. Learning to a fix a roof? Probably won't take him that long though. He could do it faster than most of these schmucks. He's tempted to try too. Tempted because Anita has been telling him to stop being an asshole. ] I could give it a shot. I need a little compensation.

[hung_garian]

Cheesemakers. They'll inherit the world, you know.

[any1youwant]

So, there's no point staying up and taking notes? [She pouted playfully as she shook out one of his pillow cases.]

Do you think Big Brother was targeting you? [She glanced over at him with a serious look.] You did predict their little sea monster... I mean, assuming they were the ones that created the earthquake.