003 \\ Sherlock Holmes \\ [Video]

[could_be_dangerous]

Next time someone disappears, if you wouldn't mind consulting me before stomping about and destroying what little evidence there's likely to be, that would be delightful. Not, mind, that I expect the explanation for said disappearances is any more obscure to you than it is to me, unless you're a complete idiot, but if you're going to ask anyway it would behoove you to at least try not to ruin absolutely everything of even the remotest use.

Comments

video

[hung_garian]

Yeesh, who pissed in your Wheaties?

[Video, Private for the rest of all time so I don't have to keep deleting that re:]

[could_be_dangerous]

Tall, blonde... dense but persistent.

[hung_garian]

We do seem to have a lot of that type here. Not that I'm complaining, necessarily - tall, blonde, dense and persistent is in certain circumstances something of an ideal combination.

In your case though, presumably not.

[could_be_dangerous]

Not precisely, though to his credit he has made of himself an excellent example of what not to do.

[hung_garian]

I see you're a 'silver lining' kind of guy.

[onteamdyson]

Woaaaaaaah. Fluffy's getting BOLD! Showing your face and everything. [Sniff. Wiping away a tear] I'm so proud of you.

[Video, Private]

[could_be_dangerous]

Sherlock is getting bored.

[Video, Private FOREVER]

[onteamdyson]

And talking in the third person! Did you catch an acute case of crazy, Fluffy?

[This is payback for not telling her your name sooner, obviously. She's just grinning away.]

Want me to come over?

[could_be_dangerous]

Chronic, not acute; you're an idiot, don't bother.

[Don't worry, Kenzi -- everyone's getting idiot-ed today.]

[onteamdyson]

[She just rolls her eyes, snickering a bit. Definitely not taking it personally. Just gonna cut the feed.

And show up about fifteen minutes later, no knocking, just door-opening.]

Sherlock? Helloooooooo? Upstairs, downstairs, kitchen?!

audio;

[saltline]

Well, with that winning attitude I'm pretty sure you'll make fast friends with everybody.

[Audio, Private]

[could_be_dangerous]

Your use of sarcasm would be more effective if it weren't so blatantly obvious that I don't care to. Under the circumstances you're only wasting your own time to state something so blatantly obvious that I can't even muster any false credulity with which to ridicule you.

[Idiot.]

[Audio, Private]

[saltline]

And it seems like you're only wasting your time with what? Investigating disappearances? Where the fuck were you when my brother disappeared, huh? [ Not that it mattered any. ] The last thing we need right now is some clown waltzing around this place hoping for something to do. It's not like any of the disappearances have been secretive, if someone goes missing people talk.

Soon if not immediately after the person disappears. It ain't noone's fault your slow.

[ Dumbass. ]

[Audio, Private]

[could_be_dangerous]

Your brother. Yes, the particulars if his disappearance were so entirely obscure, what was I thinking, not involving myself in searching for evidence in the case of a kidnapping which was caught on videotape.

[Yeah, he's just going to let that one stand a moment.]

I really don't think that of the two of us, I'm the one who's slow. If you really can't work out what happened there I'm afraid there's no hope for you at all.

If you really think I care to investigate cases which are so utterly transparent then you've missed that point by an equally wide margin.

video;

[stiling]

Do you have that kind of jurisdiction? I mean, it's basically all balls to the wall here, whatever, people can do what they want, there's no departments or ice cream for some reason, which I'm suddenly really missing and that's a --

Basically, are you a cop?

[Video, Private]

[could_be_dangerous]

I am neither untalented enough nor unimaginative enough to require the backing of the official police.

[So no.]

Though given how often they consult me, they require me. Does that satisfy your need to kowtow to mob authority, or should I also point out that as we lack the means to enforce such trifling matters as jurisdiction your question is both irrelevant and idiotic?

[ Video ]

[theshield_agent]

I'm sorry, but who exactly are you?

[Video, Private]

[could_be_dangerous]

Sherlock Holmes, consulting detective.

[Sherlock speaks with a sigh in his voice, as though he really can't see the point in saying it.]

And you're Agent Coulson. Tall, blonde, and self-righteous is one of yours, is he not? Tell him he's an idiot.

[Video, Private]

[theshield_agent]

Yeah, I don't think I'm going to do that.

[He tries not to roll his eyes and... nope, he fails.]

Next time, if you want to help, say so, Mr. Holmes. None of us are psychic.

[Video, Private]

[could_be_dangerous]

[And that's two for the eye-rolling, then.]

Where did I say I wanted to help? Your dense friend wants to badger me into looking around, fine, but if he feels like doing it again he should do it sooner, or try to gather some semblance of a reasoning faculty and work out what happened on his own. It isn't as though it's obscure.

People vanishing without a trace, quite a mystery, just like how all the cameras are being repaired with equally little evidence left behind, certainly no way to analyze it, but oh -- we've got them on video, haven't we? Well there you are, problem bloody solved, and the next time anyone wants more than that they can give me evidence or leave me alone.

[Video, Private]

[theshield_agent]

Somehow, I can't exactly picture him badgering you.

[Who does this guy even think that he is? Phil's got all of those facts, thanks. Maybe their search had been a little hasty, but Banner is one of their people. He watches out for his own. He doesn't care if that's foolish.]

You don't want to help? Don't. I won't miss you.

[audio] because he is so subtle

[gloryisbullshit]

Behoove? Is that even a word?

[Audio, Private]

[could_be_dangerous]

Ah, it's the burglar. The illiterate burglar, one suspects.

[gloryisbullshit]

Illiterate. Because I don't know what behoove means? Mama, check the fucking stats, no one knows what that means.

[could_be_dangerous]

Just ignorant, then. Keeps poor company too, not that that's remotely surprising.