|Video 002|---|TROY BARNES|

[buttsoupbarnes]

 Hey people. Troy here. I know I haven't really had a lot of time to... mingle with a lot of y'all yet but I could really use a hand with a bit of an issue here. I always lived following some pretty delicate routines, and when those routines get broken, I start to get a little crazy.

I've spent all morning scouring this place for the right breakfast, but all I can find is stuff like toast and eggs. I mean sure, I could just eat that for breakfast and maybe then when I go home I'll burn all my Transformers and get a desk job in a tax office.

I- I need sugar. I need something probably unhealthy. I can't live like this. I'm all alone out here tryin' to find my own way, with no proper cereal to start my... day.

[Suddenly, in Troy's cereal-deprived brain, the sickest of beats drops and he feels compelled by its musical urgings, despite the fact that nobody but him can hear its sicknasty thumps and bumps.]

Post. Keloggs. My breakfast brothers have deserted.
Not a Froot Loop in nose range, I sniffed until I hurt it.

Need that Snap Crackle Pop to tide me over 'til lunch.
Why can nobody see how much I need my Cinnamon Toast Crunch?

I need Corn Pops and Apple Jacks and Trix and shit.
I take my Nesquik like a Sugar Bear- I can't get enough of it.

I'm so cuckoo for them Cocoa Puffs, I'll pay a ludicrous amount
Track down leprechauns for marshmallows, get chocolate from a count

Got my milk, got my bowl and it's quarter past eight.
French Toast Crunch would be bon Frosted Flakes would be great

So if there's any OGs with a stash of GM
Cough it up to a brotha

Because if you don't I will seriously murder you and use your hollowed out skull as my cereal bowl.

Comments

[ super duper confused video ]

[afallenstar]

...Right.

[onteamdyson]

... [Kenzi just stares. There is so much staring. An incredible amount of staring is going on here.]

I got half a box of toasted Honey Bunbuns and it's yours if you be my friend and lay down more ill rhymes. I'll even get you a BEAT!

[buttsoupbarnes]

[Troy's eyes light up. This was a much better response than he was expecting]

Well damn, I can use more friends like you. You lead the way to delicious cereal and in the meantime you better make that beat part of this complete breakfast.

[ Video ]

[goodluckkobra]

ALL I GOT OUT OF THAT WAS THAT YOU FUCKED MY MOM FOR A HONEY BUN.

[Tragically Kobra, one of the people most likely to appreciate this rap, cannot hear it. Also he's screaming.]

SO FUCK YOU, I GUESS!

[wandandsickle]

[ ...is that supposed to be... music? what is the future even ]

Erm, I'm not sure there's need to resort to that kind of measure. I think I might have seen something along those lines in the pantry...

Re: [ Video ]

[buttsoupbarnes]

[In Troy's already overly-emotional state, he simply can't handle the yelling and immediately breaks down]

Wh-why are you yelling at me? I just wanted cereal! I didn't fuck anybody's mom- although I probably would for the right cereal right now- maybe not Honey Nut Cheerios or those sort-of-healthy-but-they-still-taste-okay ones but for a box of Captain Crunch I'd do just about anything. Don't judge me. I just have a routine. A ROUTINE THAT NEEDS TO BE FOLLOWED.

[He bites down hard on his knuckle to momentarily stifle his sobbing]

[buttsoupbarnes]

You are clearly underestimating the lows I am willing to stoop to for certain things. Just pray to god I don't ever get another Pepsi Blue craving. That didn't end well.

Re: [ super duper confused video ]

[buttsoupbarnes]

Glad someone's enjoying the show. Think you can help out at all? Or are you just gonna watch until someone gets stabbed by the dude with the Frankenberry Crazies?

[onteamdyson]

[Awwwwwwwww yeah. She grins and hops off her bed, swiping her drumsticks from the low shelf behind her kit. Using the drums would be too loud over the little communicator, so she settles for a book on the floor. Nothing fancy, just a beat.]

Mueslix makes me sick.
Rather die than eat that shit.

Take yo fiber down the street,
gonna kill it with this beat.

Cold milk and cereal,
Add sugar, shit's imperial.

Ship's tight, sails to starboard.
Fucking wheaties taste like caaaardboooaaaard.

WHAT! What. Fucking nailed it.

[buttsoupbarnes]

Aw yeah- That's how we do it. Keep that beat goin' I got this:

Watch yourself, breakfast I got it made
Our friend here's got cereal and skills in spades

Rhythm milk brewin' in her magic tits
spittin' out rhymes like Alpha-bits

Morning's got nothing on my main girl...

[Oh shit- he doesn't even know her name. He gestures towards her expectingly before continuing.]

[ Video ]

[goodluckkobra]

HOLY SHIT! WHY ARE YOU CRYING?! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!

[Kobra's as helpful as ever.]