Kenzi [007] Accidental Video --> Audio

[onteamdyson]

[The video turns on as Kenzi cracks the screen with a jagged shard of glass. The communicator is still on her wrist, filming the ceiling of the upstairs bathroom. The mirror has been shattered and most of the glass pieces have fallen to the floor, but a few remain in the frame. The hand that holds the larger piece is covered in blood. She appears to be sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

She swears and mumbles something in Russian before bringing the shard down again. The video cuts out.]

HA! Fucking-- try it now, you crusty, wrinkled-ass, bitch. Two down... a billion to go. Break the mirrors in your houses! Smash the hell out of them. Do it. It's the only way to keep her out-- [There's the sound of the shard hitting the floor and Kenzi cries out.]

Hale? Hale, you know what I'm talking about, right? You totes remember! ... Hale?

Comments

[onteamdyson]

... Same here. [The reading.]

YEP! Every good, little Russian girl knows about her. Ssssoooo do the bad ones. [CoughKENZIcough] And I might have royally pissed her off, so I'm not taking any chances. Yes, spoons! Anything with a reflection. It's faster than taking the bus.

[stiling]

[ Well, that sounded- like a suspicious agreement, he's squinting, Stiles is squinting at her. ]

What does she do, exactly? Like, what's supposed to be her m.o? Come on, humor me.

[onteamdyson]

[Just gonna get all up close and whispery] She eats girls that don't do what they're told. Legit shoves them in an oven after ruining their entire life and cursing people they care about. But before the oven, she makes them do CHORES. Because they were bad girls! I'm fucking DOOMED, dude! Not sexy, doomed, I know I just kind of made it sound like a porno, but it's so not hot.

1/2

[stiling]

Dude! --That does sound kinda like a porno, but that's messed up!

Does she, like, eat them after or does she-

[stiling]

[ cue record ripping noise ]

Uh.

Why do I have to worry if it's girls.

[onteamdyson]

[Stilespls.]

Because she's old, has fucked up eyes, and you're too pretty to not get snatched up like an adorable entree. I'm saving your ass, Stilinski. You owe me.

[stiling]

...Thanks??

[ He thinks. ]

One more question? -Why's she here?

[onteamdyson]

... Uh. [Well.] Because!

[Yep. That solved everything.]

[stiling]

Because... of reasons?

[ YEAH KENZI YOU REALLY CLEARED IT UP THERE THANK YOU ]

Kenzi.

[onteamdyson]

STILES! [She is so mature.]

... I ... may have ... pushedherintoherownoven. Ahem!

[stiling]

You fucking what-

[ oh right he's not supposed to believe in this junk, and he lowers his voice about three octaves. ]

I mean- really? No. What?

[onteamdyson]

[And she's not supposed to be telling people!]

Never mind! Not important. Just ditch the mirrors and hide, okay?

[stiling]

You totally think you brought her here, don't you?

[onteamdyson]

I-- ... Yeah.

[stiling]

Can I come over?

Help you clean up the mess.

[onteamdyson]

[She's quiet for a while. Like... two minutes. That is so long for Kenzi.]

Just come over? No cleaning necessary.

TO ACTION?

[stiling]

[ That's a long time by normal standards. That's astronomically long by Kenzi standards. ]

Whatever you wanna, man. I'll be over in like two seconds.

[ All right, so a couple of minutes before he'd be knocking at her door. ]

[onteamdyson]

[Seconds after he knocks, the door is flung open. Arms freshly bandaged, brandishing that baseball bat (just for you, Stiles), Kenzi stares at him long enough to make sure he isn't an old lady. And then she drops the bat and throws her arms around him.]

[stiling]

[ Always with the bats, and Stiles lets out a small shrieky sound of surprise, his shoulders jumping inward like he's about ready to get into a defensive position, fetal on the ground or something. But she doesn't swing, and she's hugging instead, something that genuinely takes him as much by surprise as the bat did. ]

[ Stiles' body relaxes in increments, before he immediately hugs her back, arms tight. ]

[onteamdyson]

You totally came.

[She sounds vaguely surprised. No, wait. Pleasantly surprised! She steps back, tugging him along with her, so she can shut the door. But still hugging! Still hugging.]

Are you okay?!

[stiling]

Dude, of course I came.

[ He realizes, belatedly, how much crap he must look like right now - he hasn't been sleeping great, and it's a whole other cacophony of bullshit that's plaguing him at the moment, but he's not getting into it right now. She gets a snort of a laugh into her shoulder, and Stiles shakes his head. ]

[ strangling. being strangled. ]

I'm- fine, Kenzi, seriously. Pinky swear. [ His pinkies stick out and wiggle around at her back as if that will solidify the point. ]

[onteamdyson]

[She snerks and pulls away to grab those pinkies with her own. She's holding him to it! But he does look like crap and she's mega-worried. He's so young! ... Not that much younger than her, but young enough!

When she releases his pinkies, she holds up her left one. It has a nifty dino-bandaid on it. So cool.]

Wanna sit on the couch? Less awesome sans television, but comfy. God, I miss Jungle Jeeves.

[stiling]

[ Whoops, actual pinky swears. Crap! He could feel a little bad for lying, but he's gonna stick to it on account of he doesn't want to talk about it. Kenzi first. He jerks his head towards the couch and starts over, glancing back at her as he walks. ]

Sweet band-aid. Couch good. Explain to me Jungle Jeeves before you meet your fate.

[onteamdyson]

[She pushes him into the couch, trying to get him to LIE THE FUCK DOWN, before collapsing onto it herself. So tricky. She sees you being tired and there are enough idiots in her life currently not doing the sleep thing.]

Jungle Jeeves is an expert on all things animals and I think he is fake-Australian and also I'd totes do him. He lives in a hut in the jungle and teaches you cool facts about things you totes need to know. Such as HIPPOS! Did you know that you could shove a four foot tall kid in a hippo's mouth and it could stand up in there? Also sails can sleep for up to three years.

[Sleep. Sleep, Stiles. So subtle.]

[stiling]

[ Sooooo subtle that he sees straight through it in fact! He sits up from where he got all sprawled over, his knees jarring up and down as he looks at her. ]

Stiles looks like ass. Okay. I got it. [ He laughs a little despite himself, and points knowingly at Kenzi. ] Sounds like the Crocodile Hunter except better. And actually with the learning.