cape_kore | audio ✖ clint barton ✖ oo2

[ Clint stands up where he was sitting, legs swung over the edge before looking down at his friend. His friend who was dead "apparently". He couldn't help but think if he had been there the difference in all of it would have made sure Phil didn't end up dead. ]

I...you died, Phil. Or you will die. [ None of that made sense. ] What am I supposed to do? [ Without Phil covering his ass back home. Without Phil. ]

I know. [He takes those last few steps, closing the distance between them.] I don't know what to do, either. Tasha slapped me. You could do that, if it makes you feel better.

[He sighs.] It's not like I want to die, Clint. I don't want to leave you--either of you.

[Losing either of them would hurt so much. He's afraid of dying, but it's so much easier to focus on them. They need him. Who's going to give Clint orders that he actually takes or understand what Natasha's saying when she isn't talking?]

'm not slapping you. Only women slap people. [ Men punched...or just hid on top of a lighthouse because reality hurt. ]

You weren't supposed to die, Phil. [ Clint's voice cracked a little. But otherwise he maintained his composure. How else would he manage life in SHIELD. Nat and Phil made it livable. He knew the moment he went back and Phil wasn't there he was going to be forced to deal with people staring at him accusingly. Everyone knew the damage he did and it was easier to have someone physically there to blame rather than some alien off on another planet. ] You're supposed to be smarter than that. Fuck where everyone else was...Phil.

Yeah, well, maybe I'm not that smart. You weren't supposed to get brainwashed, either.

[He's not sure if he should hug Clint or not. He'd hugged Natasha, but that was different--maybe because Clint wasn't as good at hiding the way he felt and it made things just a little weirder for Phil. He sighed again and wrapped his arms around Clint.]

It isn't your fault.

You're...smarter than a lot of people I know. Smarter than me. [ Clint respected the fuck out of Coulson for a reason. ] Didn't really have much of a say in that, sir.

[ He froze up when Phil wrapped his arms around him, slightly unsure of what to make of it. This, as far as he was concerned, was not normal. ]

I led the attack. Offered up weaknesses. I practically held the door for him on the way into the helicarrier, Phil. Don't tell me it wasn't my fault. It was. I knew everything that went on. [ He hadn't shot Fury in the head from close range...it was a small miracle he had been able to do that. ]

You weren't in control. I don't blame you and anyone who does is going to have to deal with me.

[Phil lets go quickly, arms dropping to his sides, but he stays close. He's not sure what else he can say. He doesn't blame Clint. He couldn't possibly blame him.]

If I wind up back there, you want me to just walk away and risk everything?

I blame myself, Phil.

[ He should have been prepared. Clint looked down at his feet for a moment, basking in the closeness of being around Phil. He wasn't dead...not here at least. ]

Would you believe me if I said yes? [ Because Clint didn't believe himself. He knew...whatever happened, helped. It had too. ]

No, but I don't think I can do it, anyway. [Not even for Clint and that's rare.]

I'll be expecting it, so maybe I can dodge whatever attack he throws at me this time. It's going to be okay, though, because you and Natasha get through it and you're two of the strongest people I know. Just... please find a way to not blame yourself. It's my choice.

I know...I wouldn't expect you to anyway. [ Clint ran his hand down his face, taking in a deep breath. ]

I'll be fine. [ A lie. ] Just another day in the office, right? [ Clint was going to blame himself. It was all he had right now to make sense of the situation. ]

... Yeah. [Just another day where Phil is going to die.

He leans against the railing.] If you need to talk... I'm here. I'm--[He almost says that he's always here, but that's not really true now, is it?]

Don't...get pissed at Banner for tellin' me. I made him. [ Clint could be threatening when he wanted to be...especially when wanted something. The archer moves, pulling himself up before sitting on top of the railing and swinging his feet over the edge. ]

I know. Maybe...[ He looks down at the other man, nudging him a bit with his arm. ] Maybe we should thank whatever higher power that we're here and not on the helicarrier, right now? [ If he could prolong this he would. ]

I'm not pissed at Banner. [How could he be? Banner had no way of knowing that Clint would take it like this.]

Maybe. [He turns a little to smile at Clint.] You know that it's going to be okay, right?

[ Clint scoots a bit on the railing, shutting his eyes for a moment.

He didn't think it was. ] If you say so, sir. I jus' ain't seeing it.

I'm here right now, Clint. It hasn't happened, but even if it does, you'll be okay without me. One of us was bound to not come back from something one day.

[ Clint took in a deep breath. ] It wasn't supposed to be you, sir. [ It was supposed to be Clint. Phil was supposed always be that voice in his ear. The man who guided him. He was supposed to outlive him. ]

[There's a sinking feeling in Phil's chest. The idea of losing Clint isn't something he ever wants to let himself dwell on, even though he knows that he sends the man into deadly situations all the time.]

And then what? I feel bad and you don't have to worry about it because you're dead?

[ Clint turns his head to face Phil, with a look of resolution in his eyes. ]

Then I wouldn't have to live in a world without you, Phil.

Great. [Phil pushes himself off of the railing.] And what about the rest of us?

[He starts to head for the stairs, not looking at Clint.]

God, do you have any idea how self-centered you're being?

It's not a well thought out idea. [ Clint's ideas were hardly well thought out...but he figured Nat and Phil were good at tucking it down.

Clint would just become self-destructive and he knew it. ]

Does it matter? It's all just... hypothetical shit, boss. [ When they get back...he's sure it might just play out just as it did before. Clint would go bouncing around from handler to handler. The archer leaned forward, elbows on his knees and hunching his shoulders a little. Trying to disappear. ]

Don't you even think about getting yourself killed.

[Phil shakes his head. Clint always plays fast and loose with his own safety and Phil is always the voice in his ear, yelling at him to be more careful. Does Clint think he's just saying that because he's supposed to?]

If you care about any of us, then you'll get it in your thick skull that you're just as important to us as we are to you. [More, really, but Clint doesn't need to know that. Phil isn't stupid.]

'm the picture of safety, sir.

[ So says the man who is sitting on the railing on top of the lighthouse. Also...he kind of does. ]

My skull's pretty thick...it might take a bit more knockin' around to get me to understand that. [ Clint looks over his shoulder at Phil. ] I do...care though, boss.

[Phil turns around to face him again.]

Then stop thinking that it's better if it's you. It's not and I'd be happy to hit you again if that's what it takes to get that in there.

[ By the time he's turned around to face him again, Clint's gotten to his feet. Standing on top of the railing with his hands tucked into his pockets. He's done the balancing act enough to not fall. ]

Yes, boss. [ He does a little salute before smiling at his handler. ] Are you okay...though?

[He eyes Clint. He's used to Clint doing this, but it doesn't completely erase the unease of watching it.]

Of course not, but I will be.

[ Clint grins a bit down at his boss before hopping down to be on his level, folding his arms in front of his chest. ]

Well, you got me here, sir. I tend to make you feel a little better right? [ He steps over to his boss, shrugging a bit to himself before wrapping his arms around him for a brief hug. He patted his shoulder before starting down the stairs. ] I got your back, sir.

audio ✖ clint barton ✖ oo2

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