001 | Video

[sellerofsins]

Huh. Well isn't this just nice and cosy? Not exactly where I want to be but isn't it always so delightful when someone intervenes with your busy day for their own amusement and drops you in the middle of fuck knows where?

[Meet Crowley. The annoyed looking man currently glaring into the camera. He doesn't know who you people are or what's going all, all he knows is that he probably hates you. All of you.]

Let me guess, this is somehow the Winchesters' fault? Always is, never a moments peace. Boys, boys, boys. Not in the mood to play today, I have better things to do. Forgive me if I don't plan to stick around.

So, if anyone out there can kindly point me to the nearest exit, I will be most grateful.

Comments

[ video ]

[noblexcompanion]

[ Well hello there, King of Hell, have a Ginger Goddess Welcoming Party. Or something. ]

There is no exit - at least, not one we can pick and choose when to use. Sorry. We're kinda stuck here.

As for the Winchesters? If you mean the tall guy and the gorgeous guy? Yeah... They're not here.

[Video]

[bostonhowler]

I'm sorry sir. I arrived yesterday and people are saying that we can't leave. I haven't tried the woods yet.

Video;

[sellerofsins]

[Oh goodie, just what he wanted!]

No exit? Wonderful. Not even a fire escape?

[No Winchesters? Well, miracles could happen. Who knew?] Can't say I'm heartbroken personally.

video;

[sellerofsins]

The woods? Is that worth a try?

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[bostonhowler]

I'm unsure. Someone mentioned sabretooth tigers, and a few other impossible creatures. I haven't been there yet.

[ video ]

[noblexcompanion]

Well, you could try jumping in the ocean but you'd probably drown, or be eaten by sea monsters. [ She doesn't know if there are sea monsters, but it's possible. ]

Mad scientists pick us off one by one for experiments... or sommat. [ She doesn't really know the details and should probably be banned from welcoming the newbies... ]

[villainized]

[ Ah, familiar faces. How Lucifer doesn't enjoy seeing them. But he smiles into the camera like he and Crowley are old friends. ]

Leaving so soon?

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[charring]

Who are the Winchesters?

[This is an important question, see. Fuck the rest. The rest is unanswerable.]

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[hung_garian]

Everything is always the Winchesters' fault. End of.

[goodluckkobra]

The Winchesters don't live here anymore. I think the're getting butt-probed by evil scientists.

[ He shrugs. Scientists, aliens. Same thing, right? ]

Are you a friend of theirs? 'Cause Dean's kind of a fuckin' dick and I would love to tell you why in detail if you've got the time.

[sellerofsins]

[Shit. There's a face he didn't exactly need nor want to see. Still, he just has to play it cool, seem neutral.]

Why stick around? I have considerably better and more interesting things to do.

video:

[sellerofsins]

Somewhat like the Hardy Boys on a more unique speciality and twice as annoying.

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[sellerofsins]

Everything bad, at least. They never know when to leave well enough alone.

[sellerofsins]

Ah, all good things come to those who wait.

[A little silver lining in this murky world.]

I wouldn't say friend but spare me your list, I have my own and I'm sure it's longer and vastly more detailed.

[villainized]

Oh?

[ Lucifer's practically brimming with innocent curiosity. ]

Like what?

[sellerofsins]

[Is it hot in here? It feels hot. Hotter than hell.

Yes, he usurped his throne. But come on, Lucifer's minions ate his tailor. Line crossed.]

Holding down the fort after your grand exit.

[villainized]

Crowley...

[ He practically croons his name, like a proud father faced with a son's marvelous achievement. ]

Did you claim Hell as your own in my absence?

[sellerofsins]

I was more appointed. It's actually very democratic in hell, as you can imagine.

[He doesn't trust the man who tried to kill him and trashed his house as a proud father. More a bitter step dad who'd happily tread over him.]

[villainized]

[ He smiles, thoroughly amused. ]

It sounds like congratulations on your promotion are in order.

[ And then the amusement vanishes. ]

Keep it. Enjoy it. You're welcome to it.

[sellerofsins]

Been there, done that. Had the celebratory scotch.

[He's not about to start quaking in his new Italian leather shoes because he's not happy he failed.]

I know, I really am. I don't need it that much, it's more a stepping stone. I always thought willingly staying in one place for too long is a clear sign of insanity.

[He smiles. It's oozing with arrogance and smugness-- he should really not piss off his old boss.]

[villainized]

Oh, no one needs it. No one but God.

[ Which is all the more reason to destroy it, really. ]

The Winchesters aren't here. Angels and demons are. Try not to set off another Apocalypse. I don't feel like cleaning up the mess.

[ Maybe he means it. Maybe he wants to goad Crowley into doing what he tells him not to do. Who knows? Lucifer isn't telling. ]

[sellerofsins]

That was always more your thing, if you'll recall.

[Remember? He was very strong anti it. Luci was too busy having a temper tantrum a big brother to notice.]

That's such a thing as subtlety.

[villainized]

Was it? I wonder.

[ He shrugs, as though it's neither here nor there. ]

You may find this place more tedious than you'd like. I don't think the humans share your enjoyment of the art.

[sellerofsins]

I hardly want to impact the Earth too heavily, then what will I do all day? Hell is only fun in small doses. Bit like France actually.

[He clicks his tongue in vague disapproval.]

They never did. Loud obnoxious little monkeys, the lot of them. I already dislike it here and I've only been here for -- well, I have no idea, less than an hour?

[villainized]

I would offer to take you with me when I go, but...

[ He gives him a mock apologetic smile. ]

I'm afraid my inclination to help only extends as far as those who actually are loyal. Not those who pretend to be.