video | 004 | day 54

[retrograding]

[Because the broadcast is a video, Jet Star comes on the screen with his hair somewhat tamed and his eyepatch in place. His expression is as calm as ever, and the video is steady. The only evidence that there might be something wrong is the sound of clattering and a somewhat distressed voice in the background - but Jet ignores that for the most part to address his audience.]

I have one very simple question for the people of this town today, and I like to think it isn’t an unreasonable request. Two friends of mine, Party Poison and Kobra Kid, have not been home for a while. Has anybody seen either of them? They’re rather hard to miss. Party Poison has red hair, and Kobra Kid is blonde, the former is short and the latter is tall --

[Fun Ghoul suddenly appears over Jet's shoulder, scowling at the communicator.]

One's fuckin' stupid, and the other one's twice as fuckin' stupid. Give 'em the real facts, Jet. Two days! [He holds up two fingers in front of Jet's face just in case you assholes forgot how to count.] Never gone this long without sayin' shit, ask that raccoon-eyed piece of work what she did with our boys--

[And he cuts himself off to disappear into the background again, sending something else crashing to the floor. Jet watches Ghoul stomp off with a sort of sad expression, and when he looks back at the communicator, the look sticks.]

We aren't accusing anyone of anything. But if you are out there, either of you - or if anybody knows where they might be, please let us know.

Please. Thank you. [And the feed cuts off. Jet has some calming to do, excuse him.]

Comments

[retrograding]

[ Okay, that makes him snort. Thanks, Stiles. ] That is a bright side, yes. [ And because he can't resist. ] Though I'm concerned you can't already find a way to do that as it is.

[stiling]

Well, maybe if you, like, one hand it, or. [ Hang on, he's figuring this out. ] Knee it and jack off on the, ew, no, that's gross.

[retrograding]

It would stain. [ He says thoughtfully. ] Depending on what book and the size of that book, it might be possible to hold the book with one hand. I think that would be better than the mess on the pages.

[ why... are they talking about this ]

[stiling]

[ Is it cheering him up any? Is it?! ]

Why are we reading while we're doing this anyway? We are mighty men, with imaginations, and we can use them.

[retrograding]

[ It is! Sort of. It's nice, anyway. ]

We are, that is entirely true. I imagine it would be hard to concentrate on the book, at any rate. Imagination is good to have regardless, for sexual means or no.

[stiling]

Well, yeah. It's like Spongebob says. [ He does the rainbow thing over his head to demonstrate, which doesn't really work when he's got the communicator on his wrist. ]

But it's especially good for whackin' off things, am I right?

[retrograding]

[ what is a Spongebob ] You are very right.

... Who?

[stiling]

Uh, Spongebob? The little square sponge dude with the voice that makes you wanna stick screwdrivers in your ears?

[ Beat. ] You don't know Spongebob? Dude, your adolescence. It's crying.

[retrograding]

[ Jet is so confuse. ] I'm afraid I have absolutely no idea who you're talking about. Though... that sounds incredibly unpleasant. What is it?

[stiling]

It's a cartoon. About a sponge and his best friend starfish. He lives in a pineapple under the sea.

[ Sponge! Bob! Square! Pants! ]

[retrograding]

[ the fuck that sounds ridiculous ] I suppose that explains it. We didn't have cartoons when I was growing up. Well. Not like that.