002 | Balthazar | Audio| End of Day 59

[tryingitall]

Kore! Kore, kore, kore. [The voice is smooth and low and upbeat. People who have spoken to Balthazar will no doubt recognize him, but there's a gravelly undertone there that's just a little unnerving.]

Apropos of nothing, but have you ever heard about the ortolan? It's this darling little bird that used to be a gourmet dish in France until it was outlawed. I suppose there are still people eating it on the sly. Wasn't something I ever tried.



What you do, is you catch this songbird--it's about the size of a sparrow--and you stick it in a box. Oh, no, wait you blind it with pincers first, and then you stick it in a box, with all the millet and fruit it can eat. Until it grows several times its normal size due to eating nonstop from boredom and depression. Can't blame it, really.

And then, to kill it, you drown it in brandy. It has to be drowned rather than marinated, because the point is when you eat it the lungs and stomach should be full of liquor, for a burst of flavor.

People eat the entire thing in one bite, except for the head, and they cover their heads with napkins while they do it, to hide their gluttony from God. Assuming He's watching them eat, which, really, if He wasn't already pissed off by them poking the bird's eyes out, why would He get annoyed at that point?

It fascinates me that this is a thing. I mean, veal is pretty harsh, let's be honest. Foie gras is gruesome. One pretty much always boils lobsters alive. There are many dishes out there that have an element of meanness. And they're gourmet. They're specialties.

I'm forced to conclude the taste of suffering that lingers must be part of the appeal. But what do you think?

[Private to Anna and Gabriel]

I'm going for a walk. Don't worry, I'll do my best to avoid eating anything with a face. But I can't sit in the house forever. It just makes me hungrier.

Comments

video, private

[hung_garian]

[He nods. It's kind of a relief, actually - he feels bad about it (or as bad as Gabriel ever feels about things), but Balthazar being in the house and potentially on the verge of eating them all alive has him a little on edge.]

Well, I guess it'll probably do you good. Just be sens-- heh, well. As sensible as you can be about it, given the circumstances. Okay? If things start getting bad, call one of us.

[He considers that.]

Preferably one of the few still equipped to do anything about it, but in a pinch, any of us is better than nothing.

video, private

[tryingitall]

[It had Balthazar on edge, too. Unfortunately the mantra 'Don't eat Gabe or Anna or Chuck' isn't the most inspiring thing to rally one's self-control to. It was only a matter of time before he either found a new diversion or changed the theme to 'DO eat Gabe or Anna or Chuck'.]

I'll call. Of course I will. And if I play my cards right in the woods, maybe I'll get to eat a velociraptor.

video, private

[hung_garian]

Ooh, if you do, let me know. When this is over I want one as a pet.

[Being facetious is totally an appropriate way to deal with this, right?]

video, private

[tryingitall]

We'll keep several in a coop in the back yard, for the eggs.

[Totally appropriate.]

video, private

[hung_garian]

And we can wrap ribbons around their necks to tell 'em apart.

[tryingitall]

With little jingly bells? Yes, please.

[hung_garian]

Course, Anna might not approve of us getting a pet without asking her permission.

[tryingitall]

When did we elect her the boss of the house? Anyway, she likes animals, doesn't she? We'll let her name them.

[hung_garian]

When we realised she'd beat us up if she didn't get her way? Well - not that she could beat you up now, I suppose. Feel like staging a coup? You could be boss instead, it'd be fun.

[Not that she could usually beat Gabriel up if he wanted to stop her, but he figures it's not worth the effort of getting into a prank war.]

[tryingitall]

Never in my life have I wanted to be the boss. Not likely to start now. We'll just have to live with being sister-whipped, unless Chuck takes over.

[hung_garian]

Yeah, I can see that happening. He's nervous enough to be played by Woody Allen and he's even smaller than me. I'm not sure he could handle being in charge of himself, let alone angels.

[tryingitall]

Sometimes I worry what you say to other people about me, you know.

So, it's between you and Anna to rule the roost. Good luck.

[hung_garian]

Oh, you needn't worry. Consider it free advertising.

[For what? Probably best not to ask, but it's probably Castiel he's rudest about. He makes a magnanimous gesture with one hand.]

I suppose I can let Anna have this one. Poor thing deserves to win something once in a while.

[Or maybe he's worst about Anna, it's hard to tell. Maybe it's best to settle for 'he's awful about everyone'.]

[tryingitall]

[Advertising? Uhoh. Balthazar chuckles softly and shakes his head.]

All right. I can live with that.

[hung_garian]

Glad to hear it. Otherwise your obituary'd look pretty darn silly.