002 | Balthazar | Audio| End of Day 59

[tryingitall]

Kore! Kore, kore, kore. [The voice is smooth and low and upbeat. People who have spoken to Balthazar will no doubt recognize him, but there's a gravelly undertone there that's just a little unnerving.]

Apropos of nothing, but have you ever heard about the ortolan? It's this darling little bird that used to be a gourmet dish in France until it was outlawed. I suppose there are still people eating it on the sly. Wasn't something I ever tried.



What you do, is you catch this songbird--it's about the size of a sparrow--and you stick it in a box. Oh, no, wait you blind it with pincers first, and then you stick it in a box, with all the millet and fruit it can eat. Until it grows several times its normal size due to eating nonstop from boredom and depression. Can't blame it, really.

And then, to kill it, you drown it in brandy. It has to be drowned rather than marinated, because the point is when you eat it the lungs and stomach should be full of liquor, for a burst of flavor.

People eat the entire thing in one bite, except for the head, and they cover their heads with napkins while they do it, to hide their gluttony from God. Assuming He's watching them eat, which, really, if He wasn't already pissed off by them poking the bird's eyes out, why would He get annoyed at that point?

It fascinates me that this is a thing. I mean, veal is pretty harsh, let's be honest. Foie gras is gruesome. One pretty much always boils lobsters alive. There are many dishes out there that have an element of meanness. And they're gourmet. They're specialties.

I'm forced to conclude the taste of suffering that lingers must be part of the appeal. But what do you think?

[Private to Anna and Gabriel]

I'm going for a walk. Don't worry, I'll do my best to avoid eating anything with a face. But I can't sit in the house forever. It just makes me hungrier.

Comments

[recognize_an_opportunity]

Do you think they're actually interested in being scientific at any given time?

[tryingitall]

I'm not sure what to think, honestly. I was just starting to get my bearings, and now this.

Have you been here long?

[recognize_an_opportunity]

No, I haven't, but it already feels like it's been too long.

[tryingitall]

Heheh. I was enjoying it up until now, myself.

Balthazar, by the way. Delighted to meet you.

[recognize_an_opportunity]

Enjoying it? That's a reaction I haven't heard before.

Meyer. Nice to meet you, too.

[tryingitall]

There's a bar and I like my housemates. I'm a simple man.

Usually.

[recognize_an_opportunity]

I can't argue with you on either of those points, but there's still the fact that we've been kidnapped to contend with.

[tryingitall]

I wasn't really enjoying the situation I left. To me, this is as good a place as any. As long as I'm not a flesh-craving beast, anyway.

[recognize_an_opportunity]

I'm going to hazard a guess that the flesh-craving beast thing is temporary.

[A pause.]

I hope.

[tryingitall]

I hope so too. Normally I crave cognac, not flesh. It's better for everyone that way.

[recognize_an_opportunity]

Sadly, I doubt there's good cognac around here either, but hey, a guy can dream.

[tryingitall]

Not in the bar. Unless someone's holding out on us, I suspect we're SOL, as they say. Still, it's been suggested I start a vineyard. We'll see how that goes, if I return to normal.

[Not that well, probably. He's never grown a plant in his life.]

[recognize_an_opportunity]

A lofty goal. It'd probably be easier to make gin or vodka, although I guess that's not exactly the same.

[tryingitall]

I've never tried to make any of the above. It's so much easier just to buy it where I come from.

[recognize_an_opportunity]

Lucky you. Some of us have to get a little more creative.

[tryingitall]

Well, now you've got me intrigued.

Assuming this mess blows over and leaves us both intact, I'll look you up. Perhaps we can discuss our mutual interest in intoxicating beverages over herbal tea.

[recognize_an_opportunity]

Liquor and tea? How could I resist?

[tryingitall]

Clearly you're a man after my own heart.

It's a plan, then!

[recognize_an_opportunity]

Good. And good luck on the...

[How's the tactful way to phrase this?]

... wanting to eat people situation.

[tryingitall]

[There's no tactful way to phrase that. Good try, though!]

And to you, as well.