audio | forward dated a bit to day 66

[rigging]

[ It's early in the morning. Before most humans should really be awake, honestly. So that's why maybe it's surprising when the communicator, and by extension, the network, catches the sudden panicked inhale of breath and the panic that follows. There's a good minute of rustling and noises that sound a little like whimpers before the sound settles down.

And then it's quiet. A beat. Another, then: ] Fuck, where --

[ That is definitely a familiar voice. Deep breath. Slow exhale - and the recording cuts off in the middle. ]

Comments

[rigging]

[ He'd say he missed her too, only he doesn't even remember being gone. She doesn't have to worry about holding him too tightly, because he's got a deathgrip on her, face hidden. If he's not careful he's going to end up thinking too much, and thinking too much almost had him throwing up all over Ned. ]

M'here. [ He says, and his voice is so dull it's a little scary. He thinks he handled Ned okay - and the fact that he knows that Kenzi and Galen are going to be just as torn up about this, that they're going to be reeling from the pain Jesse caused them - he's the real one to blame here and he's not sure he can find an excuse to get himself out of that. ]

M'not - m'fine. [ He's very carefully hiding his face. ] M'not going anywhere if I can help it.

[onteamdyson]

[More than a little scary, actually. Not the deathgrip, that's fine, it's the voice. She's ridiculous amounts of worried about him right now.

Hey, come here, come closer to the couch, but don't let go! Sloooowly moving... okay. Sitting. Good. Just-- here, stay really close so she can hold the back of your neck and pet your hair like when you were a wolf and also a blanket and everything was happy for five seconds.]

If you want me to wreck him, I totally will. [Ghoul. She means Ghoul. Galen won't let her go after him because it 'wasn't him' but fuck that. Sometimes a little payback is necessary. He messed with her boys. Fuck that shit.]

... Love you, dude.

[Not lurve. Love.]

[rigging]

[ It makes him feel a little safer, sitting down on the couch, letting her hold him like she does. He wants to know where Galen is, but for right now, he doesn't even really want to move or do anything but try and hold his insides together. Jesse curls, resting his head on her shoulder, keeping his eyes closed and keeping his mind as blank as he can.

His voice is still quiet and measured when he answers. Kenzi's lucky, really - she missed round one of the panic attacks from earlier. ]

I don't wanna talk about him. [ It makes him feel sick, disturbed, like claws gripping at his throat, to think about that, so he won't. There's a long pause, and he reaches for Kenzi's free hand, holding it tightly. ] Love y'too, sweet thing.

[onteamdyson]

Okay, it's okay, we don't have to. We don't have to talk about anything.

[They don't even have to move! She knows she has to give him back to Galen soon, but he's still passed out and there's still some time to just stay here holding Jesse's hand and holding him together like he did for her after they found Phil. They kept each other from falling apart that entire day after losing Galen. It fucking sucked, but it got better. They got him back. And she got Jesse back, so maybe they're all gonna be okay now. Maybe it can only get better from here.

She's not sure how long they stay like that, but the guilt starts to set in and eventually outweighs the need to keep him close and safe and here where she can see him. He's not going to be actually fine until he sees Galen and it's stupidly selfish of her to be in the way of that any longer.]

Jess? Galen's upstairs. Bet you anything he'll have a wicked headache, but he's up there.

[rigging]

[ It's not dread, not really, that Jesse feels at going to see Galen. It's more like he's anxious. He knows Galen is not okay. He knows how badly he fucked Galen over by doing this and Jesse selfishly doesn't want to see the result. So he stays with Kenzi and he lets her hold him, and he soaks in the comfort.

When she tells him Galen's upstairs, he nods a little, mumbles. ] I'll - gimme a bit. [ It's already been a bit, but he's safe right here. He was almost dozing. But eventually he'll move, eventually he'll gingerly, hesitantly kiss Kenzi's cheek, like he's not sure he should. And then he'll get up and go to Galen.

Every single step intensifies the anxiety in his chest. ]