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006 | Video | Day 70
[ Although the video’s on, it shows a remarkably dull view of the sky. After a moment, during which nothing happens, it may become apparent that its owner doesn’t realize that it’s on. When he starts speaking, in the vague, disconnected voice of a man who’s either delirious, sick, or extremely hungover, it may go a long way in explaining why he doesn’t know he’s being recorded. ]
Well, that… must’ve been some night. [ He sighs and the video blurs until it shows a delightful view of the ground. ] JARVIS, where’s the car? And the nearest source of ibuprofen. I need like, a bottle. Or six.
[ There’s a moment of silence. ]
Jay? Don’t do this to me again, buddy. There’s at least enough power in the— [ The image spins, like the hand the camera’s attached to is patting at something. ] Seriously? The car and the transmitter? What the hell happened last night?
[ There’s another blur and it resolves into a wobbly image of the sky again. ]
Okay, this isn’t the end of the world. Deliverance, maybe, or the woodsy version of The Hills Have Eyes. But that’s okay. I can handle it. Just gotta find a gas station, preferably one without a bunch of cannibalistic yokels, call Rhodey, try not to get eaten by said cannibals, and wait for help to come. And then take a vacation, because obviously going down to the Crab Shack for happy hour with Mister Irresponsible is a bad idea.
[ And with that, he stops talking and starts walking. ]
Well, that… must’ve been some night. [ He sighs and the video blurs until it shows a delightful view of the ground. ] JARVIS, where’s the car? And the nearest source of ibuprofen. I need like, a bottle. Or six.
[ There’s a moment of silence. ]
Jay? Don’t do this to me again, buddy. There’s at least enough power in the— [ The image spins, like the hand the camera’s attached to is patting at something. ] Seriously? The car and the transmitter? What the hell happened last night?
[ There’s another blur and it resolves into a wobbly image of the sky again. ]
Okay, this isn’t the end of the world. Deliverance, maybe, or the woodsy version of The Hills Have Eyes. But that’s okay. I can handle it. Just gotta find a gas station, preferably one without a bunch of cannibalistic yokels, call Rhodey, try not to get eaten by said cannibals, and wait for help to come. And then take a vacation, because obviously going down to the Crab Shack for happy hour with Mister Irresponsible is a bad idea.
[ And with that, he stops talking and starts walking. ]
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Listen, Jesse. Keep them. It sounded like you might actually need them for something legitimate. I did this to myself. I'm an ass, but I don't take stuff people need from them. Especially here, when there isn't much as it is.
Thank you, though. For the offer.
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I offered 'cause you're a friend of mine. Or I think that way, anyway. So you're welcome. [ Shrug. Sniff. ]
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I'm not sure you'd look good enough in a dress for damsel. Maybe with the attention of a makeup artist and a hair stylist. I'm not sure, it's been a while since I last had to worry about that kind of thing.
[ With Tony, that could either be completely true or utter bullshit, it's hard to tell. ]
I know. I refused for pretty much the same reason. Superheroes aren't very super if they're not the ones doing the caretaking. They're just lazy, middle-aged men in spandex. [ He says that with a wink. ]
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Still... ] Uh huh. And who takes care of the Superheroes, huh? [ Eyebrow raise, but it's good natured enough. ]
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[ A beat. ]
And I'll answer any question you want me to.
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... Christ, don't let Kenzi hear you. [ Because then she'll make him wear makeup. ]
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[ He is so not even kidding. ]
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... I vote Wallie.
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