cape_kore | 001 || Britta Perry || vid

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001 || Britta Perry || vid

[The feed kicks in with Britta staring, her head bobbing up and down as if she's confused by the device on her wrist.] I know retro is in, but- [Wait. Is it on?] Oh! It's on!

Hey, Troy and Abed. This? Not funny. Which way is Greendale?

... How'd you get the money to do all this, anyway?

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[...what? He doesn't even know whether or not she's serious right now. He'll assume that she isn't.]

Right, and, uh-- hang on, don't tell me. [He taps his lips twice, mock-thoughtful.] Hm... alright, one of them's still having trouble connecting to people after his traumatic childhood, and the other's going through a hard time in her love life right now, but she's making it through okay 'cause she's a strong independent kitty who don't need no tom.

[She points at him and freezes, her finger still pointed at his face.]

Are you mocking me?

[He considers it.]

Nnnnnnnyes. Yes, actually, I think I probably am.

[Her face falls. Just as quickly, though, she gets angry.]

You can't mock me! You don't even know me!

Mhmmmmmmm, true, but I bet you five bucks that won't stop me.

I'll bet you five bucks that you'll- you'll-

[Crap! She sucks at this sort of thing!]

Muh muh muuuuuh meh meuh muh!

[Yep. She just mocked him by badly mimicking everything he said. She knows from experience how upsetting it can be.]

Well, given that I'm not planning to muh muh muuuuh meh meuh muh any time soon, I think I'll take that bet.

[Her face falls, her eyes widening.]

You can't take that bet!

Can too. What's the matter, worried you'll have to pay up?

No!

Just-

I don't like gambling!

[ And she doesn't have enough money to gamble with what little she has. ]

Then you shouldn't have made a bet.

I don't recall making any bet officially, per se.

[Where's Jeff? She might need his legalese expertise.]

I have video evidence of it.

What? You do not! I was right here! You didn't get a camera!

Hello? How you think we're talking here, sweetheart?

[He's not entirely sure of how to access archives on this thing, but he bets it's possible!]

This can't record anything!

[Can it? Okay, Britta. Don't panic. Don't panic. It's just a bet. Just... get the bracelet thing off and get rid of it. And- And why isn't it coming off?]

THIS ISN'T RETRO! THIS IS 1984! THIS ISN'T COOL!

What're you talking about, Orwell is the fashion icon of the century. 1984's the coolest it gets, sugarplum.

[All at once, Britta stops dancing around. In fact, she goes utterly still, barely breathing, and the only indication that she's still alive is how her eyes slowly anrrow.]

Did you just call me sugarplum?

Yep. Like the fairy. Problem?

Do I have a problem with being referred to as some sort of sweet and probably what you think of as weak and helpless creature? Oh, gosh. I don't know. Do I? What do you think? Or do you think at all?

Weak and helpless? Oh, honey. Clearly you've never met the sugarplum fairy. She's all claws and teeth and 90% rippling muscle. And 10% fluffy pink tutu.

Don't try to excuse your patriarchical leanings by telling me I don't know what I'm talking about but she's totally badass. That doesn't make it okay!

How would you prefer me to excuse them?

[She rolls her eyes.]

I don't have to put up with this! I can-

[She can cut the feed. Eventually. It just takes her six tries. Her victorious laugh is cut short, but at least she hears it.]

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001 || Britta Perry || vid

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