[feed02: audio]

[redripoff]

So the food is getting low. [It's an obvious statement, but just an introductory one, muttered only a little louder than the sound of pen scratching to paper just a few inches from the microphone. He like the audio better, and no one needs to know where he is. Onto the slightly-less obvious, which Tim lays out a little louder and a little slower, like he's concentrating.] At least, the easy food. It seems like most of us are from modern times, used to...modern conveniences. ...Ah.

[One second, let him wrap up this note, close his notebook with a quiet shuffle of paper. Here, you have his full attention:] But, I know that several of you are hunters, several others used to surviving in the wild. Living off the land would be slightly less modern and slightly less convenient, but if there's edible meat around, I for one am more than happy to get my hands dirty.

And I'm one-hundred percent sure I'm not the only one unsatisfied with trusting the natives completely. [That's for you, Edgar, if you're listening.] I can prepare an animal for eating. I know a little bit about desperation farming and cooking and...whatever. The point I'm getting to is that if anyone is having trouble, let me know and we can figure something out. And if anyone thinks I could use schooling, come at me, sensei.

Comments

video:

[charring]

There might be animals and other things in the forest. But I've also been told to avoid it because it can get problematic. I think someone was trying to organize a hunting partner a few days ago?

[relatively permaaudio]

[redripoff]

Even for a place this size, I'd say a "partner" is a few too few. Unless everyone here is vegan or vegetarian, in which case two is probably just enough.

But you're right: the forest can be a little tricky.

Are you maintaining alright, Miss...?

[relatively permaaudio]

[charring]

Not a vegetarian. I kind of like steak a little too much.

I'm doing alright. Done hallucinating, which is good.

[As for her name? Don't mind her as she hesitates on that before switching to private. She's not sure about many people here.]

Charlie. Or Bobbi. But if you want my real name, it's Charlie.

[redripoff]

[Hallucinating. He half-laughs, half-sighs as he slouches in his chair.] Good is one word for it. I'm Tim.

Charlie--is that short for...Charlotte? Charlene?

[charring]

Charlene. [If he could see it, her nose wrinkles a tad. She's not the biggest fan of that name. But hey, Tim. You now have the pleasure of hearing a smile in the girl's voice.]

It's a pleasure to meet you, Tim.

audio

[hung_garian]

Don't suppose there's any wild tofu beasts roaming around for the vegetarians among us? Or even just the nutritionally-inclined?

[Not that he's either of those things - he doesn't eat meat, but that's only because there's no meat in cake - but he can't resist the urge to be as unhelpful as possible.]

Only growing yourself a cabbage patch in a pinch is a little more complex than going out in the woods and gunning down Bambi's mom.

[redripoff]

So, what I'm hearing is that you'd be willing to help simplify the cabbage patch process for the uneducated? In the name of Bambi's mom?

[hung_garian]

You might've been hearing that, but what I was actually saying was more along the lines of 'won't somebody please think of the vegans?'. Sans any offer of aid. Might wanna get your hearing aid checked, buddy.

[redripoff]

It's actually been malfunctioning since I got here. Something's up with this place and tech. [BUT SERIOUSLY, GABRIEL:] Look, I didn't mean to step on anyone. You're...presumably an herbivore.

[hung_garian]

Nope. Just antagonistic.

[But hey, at least he's honest about it.]

( audio )

[gleans]

That's some skillset. I, uh... I'm not sure how nutritious mechanical bears are, though.

[redripoff]

It depends on how well your body digests metals, really.

[gleans]

I'd rather not find out. Got any experience cooking sabretooths?

[redripoff]

I feel like I can probably improvise it. You, uh, got any experience killing sabretooths? Saberteeth?

[gleans]

Nnnnot efficiently. Last time it took a few... uh, stabs. But at least I know they're pretty vulnerable in the chest area.

[shesamarshmallow]

I'd be happy to exchange my chipper demeanor for food.

I mean, someone to give me food. I'd rather not kill any squirrels, thanks.

[redripoff]

I mean, I'd rather not be having this discussion at all. It's not really about preference, V.

[shesamarshmallow]

I'd offer to help with farming, but I doubt my knowledge of methamphetamines will help much.

What's the desperation farming entail?

[redripoff]

Well, I don't have the syllabus definition, but pretty much a little hard work and a pinch of common sense. And looking for stuff we can grow. I think you're more apprehensive than you need to be.

[shesamarshmallow]

I'm from California, where the grass is green and the girls are pretty. Both because people throw money at the grass and the girls so they can look that way. [She points upward and whirls her finger in a circular motion.] Do you see money I can throw at things around here?

I can grow alfalfa if I get someone else to do it for me.

So I'd say you're not being apprehensive enough.

[brittanator]

Whoa.

Whoa.

You're going to eat animals? Well, gee, I'm glad you feel so comfortable proving your manliness by eating harmless little creatures!

we found the vegan

[redripoff]

[He does laugh. He tries not to! But he does.] Look, I didn't--my "manliness" isn't in question? Mostly just protein intake.

[brittanator]

[Was that laughter? At her? Oh, this kid...]

Don't be naive. Hunting has been a traditionally male sport ever since the neanderthals. Shows you how far we've come, hasn't it? But you'd rather hunt Bambi than a person, wouldn't you? Even though Bambi never did anything but look adorable and have a rabbit friend!

[redripoff]

Look, l--hey. Hey? I'm sorry. Back up. What's your name?

[brittanator]

Britta. As in, "Britta don't play that."

Is this the part where you tell me how cute I am for thinking such womanly thoughts but how I should leave the thinking up to the men and settle down, "cleverly" [And yes, those were rabbit fingers she just did. Rabbit fingers. Get it?] sneaking my name into it in some attempt to assert your misguided authority?