001 | video | day 046

[designedtoparty]

[The video opens with an uncomfortably close recording of Nathan's face. He squints at it, flicks the screen, then seemingly satisfied starts to talk.]

All right, so I have three questions for your weirdos. First off, what year is this supposed to be?

Second, what sort of shitty power is this? I know it isn't mine, because hello, A-list. And I think I might've remembered packing myself a bin bag of nothing, ditching my phone, and teleporting myself to the fuck end of nowhere.

[Nathan moves his arm further from his face, allowing the camera to see the face of the fountain centrepiece, which Nathan seems to be hanging off.]

Last question. What's the cheapest hotel you've got around here? You wouldn't believe how wet Medusa's getting here, and she's a little shy about getting it on in public if you know what I mean.

[And just in case anyone doesn't, he proceeds to dry hump the statue.]

Oh, Medusa! I don't think I can hold on much longer. Oh-- Shit!

[The last word has a genuine note of panic it it, and Nathan's eyes have widened. Luckily for everyone, balancing and holding out his arm to record this proves too much for Nathan. He slips, landing with a splash in the fountain. The feed cuts out.]

Comments

video;

[facilitated]

[ Let it be known that Laura is judging you so hard right now, stranger. ]

Uh, so are you always so freaking gross or are you just trying to make a name for yourself?

video;

[designedtoparty]

Gross? Are you saying my love for Medusa is wrong?

video;

[facilitated]

Yeah dude, I'm saying its really wrong. That dip cool you off at all?

( audio )

[rigging]

Man, you suck at pleasuring a woman.

( audio )

[designedtoparty]

Tell that to Medusa. She loves every minute.

( audio )

[rigging]

Y'sure that's not just cause she's stoned?

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[shesamarshmallow]

Well, for some people, it's 2005. For others, 2007. For others, 2012. For others, it's after the apocalypse. Other people are kind of Victorian or something. So... what year do you want it to be?

All the places to stay are free, particularly if you want to live in a cardboard box in the woods. Welcome to the fuck end of nowhere.

Oh, and since you probably missed it, there's a mansion-type place in the woods. People aren't staying there because it's kind of far away from everything. But it's by far the best place in or around town. And again, free.

Video

[designedtoparty]

Preferably a year where the fuck end of nowhere doesn't exist. Or at least one where cute, blonde girls aren't trying to entice me into weird, old mansions where I'll probably end up getting bum raped and murdered horribly. Possibly not even in that order.

Haven't you ever seen a horror movie?

Video

[shesamarshmallow]

I promise you, you won't get raped or murdered. Probably not murdered.

Haven't you ever had any balls? Because if I had to guess from your obvious fear and cowardice, I'd have to go with you don't know what balls are.

[enchangement]

Seventeen point thirty eight seconds.

No wonder you fell.

[designedtoparty]

Hey, I was just getting started. I've got at least another ten minutes in me.

If you want I could even give you the full demonstration.

[enchangement]

Ten whole minutes, stars for garters.

action:

[charring]

[Charlie's out, patrolling the place as she usually does. Never mind the fact that it's cold, she's wearing jeans and a t-shirt like it's a warm spring day.

When she spots the guy on the fountain, she watches long enough for him to start talking to others before she heads over, smirking. Congratulations, Nathan. You falling into the fountain almost got a laugh out of her. This means her tone is slightly less flat than usual.]

Nice entrance.

action:

[designedtoparty]

[Nathan returns the smirk, still dripping wet even after she's waited. He's possibly a little dryer. Maybe.]

So, are you looking for a repeat performance?

Re: action:

[charring]

I'm not a huge fan of reruns. Thanks, though. [And because this place is her absolute favorite place to be.]

Welcome to an absolute shithole.

[magnets]

[ Heh heh heh. People falling is always priceless. ]

Wow, nice ride, man; I think my wheelchair-totin' granny lasts longer'n you do.

[designedtoparty]

Your wheelchair-toting granny wouldn't last half that long. She probably hasn't got laid in so long she comes as soon as she gets a lift out of her chair.

Unless there's a reason you know so much about your grandma's sex life. In which case I'm pretty sure that's considered illegal. Not to mention cruel. How do you expect some poor old dear with no legs to fight you off? You are one sick man.

[magnets]

[ WOW TOUCHE. Jesse looks almost surprised with how quick the rebuttal comes, his face molding into a sneer. ]

Says the whacko pervert who's probably imaginin' it all now. Ya get off on talkin' about wheelchair grannies too or is it just the statues that do it for ya?

[ video ]

[foundacause]

Real classy entrance there, kid.

[ video ]

[designedtoparty]

Thank you. I thought I'd make an effort, seeing how I had Matilda there and everything.

[thezerothlaw]

If you desire sexual release, I would think there are better and more appropriate means to achieve that.

[designedtoparty]

Better and more appropriate than a reasonably attractive piece of rock? I don't know about you, mate, but my hand tends to start to get tired if I happen to have small dry spell.

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[evolv]

Welcome to the future, man. Unless you're from the future, then welcome to the past.

Nice landing. [Kids these days.]

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[designedtoparty]

I hope this is the past. If this is the future, then I've got nothing left to live for.

video - don't mind me I'm just the latest ever

[hellofist]

[Since no one else seems to have asked-]

You okay?