001. ( video ) ♠ Jeff Winger

[disbar]

[ The feed comes to life revealing a startling amount of forehead topped with a carefully styled bedhead. Entranced yet? Wait till you see the face that comes with it. ]

Oh, now it's working. [ The video stops shaking and quaking to focus on the face, which appears very disgruntled as it peers at the device. ] So, who am I blaming first for this situation that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever? I'll go ahead and say Abed, because Troy? Yeah, Troy gets it. [ What 'it' is, we may never know. ]

So I'm going to count to three, and one of you better jump out with the key to end this whole shtick. [ He makes another face, this one more out of distaste. ] But while we're focusing on certain things, you could have at least chosen something out of your cereal box that was a little less tacky to put around my wrist.

[ He's not actually counting to three, because one: he's not their father, and two: erm, lame. ]

Comments

Video

[brittanator]

Jeff!

[ Wait. He's looking for someone to blame, and she's Britta. Hello, second thoughts about answering this message. ]

[ So she has to convince him that this is real. She can do that, though, right? Hell yeah she can! She's a psych major! ]

Jeff. It isn't just you. Everybody here has been kidnapped and almost nobody has heard of Greendale. Troy and Annie are here, but not Shirley and Abed. [ Mention Pierce? Nah. ]

I'll prove it, okay? Say the Dean's name. Say it.

[ Because nothing will happen, and he'll realize they're not at Greendale. ]

Video

[disbar]

[ Oh look, it's Britta. Not exactly who he wanted to see, but eh, she'll do. ] It's a gift from God if you haven't heard of Greendale, let alone set foot in it, Britta. Let's not take it away from people by summoning it's embodiment through saying his name three times. [ ...Dean Pelton, Dean Pelton, Dean Pelton. See? Safe! ]

Video

[brittanator]

Okay, Jeff. I get it. You're upset, and you're worried, because we're far from home and it's only a matter of time before you run out of hair gel and there are probably harsh chemicals in the water here that are going to ruin your skin. So you're lashing out, I get it. I'm a psych major. I get stuff.

We have to find a way to get back home.

Before your skin breaks out.

Video

[disbar]

[ Okay, he was not even thinking about those topics (or maybe he was. just a little. shut up.), but now that she's brought them up... well, that's enough to get in a little comical eye-twitch. And while he would normally love the chance to talk about his glowing complexion, she's now turned it into a sore-spot. Way to go. ]

Britta. Don't tell me you've been inflicting your less than legitimate analysis's all over this poor little town.

[video]

[anniethedayplanner]

Oh my God! Jeff!

[As horrible as it is to actually wish that someone else is in this place, she can't help but be happy that their de facto leader has arrived. She lets out a relieved sigh and smiles at him.]

This isn't Troy and Abed's fault. Abed isn't even here. [A pang of homesickness hits her hard and her smile falters a little. She misses Abed and his brutal honesty. She misses Shirley too. And maybe even Pierce. A little.] We don't know why we're here, only that we're prisoners along with everyone else here.

[Her tone upswings quickly as she lifts her hands. She's trying really hard to stay positive and now Jeff is here. That's a positive.] But anyway, where are you? Stay there. I'll come to you.

[video]

[disbar]

[ He's drawing a bit of a blank because for a few seconds, um, hey Annie and her buckets of info. This is a lot to take in, and the fact that she's here only adds to that. Britta? Sure, why not. Troy, it's pretty much a given (though the lack of Abed is a little worrying), but Annie? Just how much weirdness has she caught living with the nerds? ]

Uh-- [ He makes a show of looking around. ] A road? [ Sooo helpful. ]

[video]

[anniethedayplanner]

[She rolls her eyes. Come on, Jeff! Is it asking too much for her to get a little bit of a reaction or information out of you?]

Do you see a fountain? A library? A lighthouse? [Yes, that's probably the best landmark, right?] Give me something to work with here.

[Oh. Once Jeff realizes the limitations of this place she has a feeling things are going to go downhill fast.]

[video]

[disbar]

Wow. All this effort makes me think there must be some reward at the end of all of this. [ He's joking, of course. Unless there's more to be done. Then things will be no laughing matter. ]

There's a lighthouse. Does that help, Dora? Or do you need a better map to find this treasure?

video;

[stiling]

[ And Stiles is quiet for a few long seconds before he actually says anything, and it's with a vague hand waving in the air in a circle. ] I'm just, you know. Waiting for the one, two, three, no? Nada?

Anyway, welcome to Hell.

video;

[disbar]

Actually, I've already been. Add a crumbling campus, black mold, and the stench of french-fry oil, and you're there.

audio, private

[venatical]

Are you friends with a couple of tricksters too? [ It's hilarious, but only to him. ]

audio, private

[disbar]

No. More like a couple of man-children.

[venatical]

[ Still talking about Gabriel, he sees. ]

Well, hate to break it to you, buddy, but there's no man-children behind this one. [ Probably nothing that's even human. ]

Just your run-of-the-mill abductors.

[disbar]

Oh. Well, that's sounds so much more comforting. Thanks for that info.

[hark_and_hush]

I'm afraid this place isn't a joke. Are you okay?

[ She's seen a few people have difficulty with the communicators, but there's usually something strange about them. ]

[disbar]

Peachy-keen. Who wouldn't be after discovering they've basically been kidnapped?

[hark_and_hush]

I meant physically. [ And maybe mentally. They don't exactly have a psychiatrist here. ]

There isn't really anything I can do about your being kidnapped. I'm not exactly here out of my own choice, myself.

[disbar]

[ Well, that's one bit of information to never allow Britta to know. ]

I'll throw you a bone since we haven't exactly met in person just yet. Physically, I'm like a strapping young god. [ Let that sink in. ]

( video )

[rigging]

Holy shit. Did they actually bring Ryan Seacrest to this shitty-ass little town?

( video )

[disbar]

Wow. Adorable and so original. How long did it take you to think that one up? [Sarcasm. It's a defense mechanism.]

[rigging]

Like ten minutes, you better be appreciative, man. [ He makes a face at Jeff, grinning. ] Is that our next challenge? 'Cause lemme tell you, American Idol is just what I need right now.

[disbar]

Yes, you and the rest of the world. So go sit in front of your television and let your eyeballs rot and your ear-sockets fill with the tragically remixed and horribly sung lyrics of Bono.

[video]

[buttsoupbarnes]

[Being no stranger to the "Jeff is mildly distraught at our antics" scenario, Troy reacts instinctively]

Haha. Oh, Jeff. Never easy to pull one over on y-

[Oh- there's that reality catching up]

WAIT. JEFF. WHAT.

...Actually, I'm not that surprised. Britta and Annie are here, too. I swear- if Pierce gets here before Abed, I am going to be really mad.

[video]

[disbar]

Troy, if Pierce arrives before hell [ AKA Greendale ] freezes over, we all have many reasons to be mad.

Re: [video]

[buttsoupbarnes]

I know, right? This one time here I saw a green dude. He'd have to come up with a whole new way to be racist to a green dude.

[He laughs for a moment before remembering holy crap Jeff's here]

But how's it going anyway, Winger? You know where you are? Britta thinks we should all meet up. Said something about color-by-numbers, or something and I was like "Please Britta, now is not the time for art and even if it was I don't need a number telling me that Aladdin can't be a black guy."