004 | Tony Stark | Video

[manofiron]

[ Although he’s not exactly smiling, Tony’s expression is blandly neutral, relaxed, and his voice is friendly. ]

Normally I’d have my assistant – I guess technically she’s my CEO now - handle the whole public relations thing, but she’s not here so I guess that leaves me doing it myself. Unless I have a volunteer from the audience? No? Didn’t think so.

[ He glances away from the camera for a second, almost like he’s looking at a list. ]

Stiles, I got your bow and arrows here. Any time you want me to stop by and get them, feel free. Alternatively, I can be persuaded to play delivery guy.

Sharon. You wanted some new toys? I got a couple for you.

Party Poison. Not to be confused with the lovely Poison Ivy. We have a bet, right?

[ Twisting his wrist, the video blurs and comes into focus on a large sabertooth tiger reclining on the living room floor like he owns the place. At the attention, he lifts his head, flattens his ears, and lazily bares his teeth. The video blurs again, coming to rest on Tony’s face, who’s utterly unfazed by being threatened by hundreds of pounds of formerly extinct cat. ]

Meet Stanley. And start the countdown.

[ Flashing a smile, he starts to lower his wrist, then pauses and lifts it back. ]

Oh, right. And one more thing before I forget.

[ Anyone who knows Tony might know better here. Might realize that he wasn’t going to forget and has in fact been building up to this the entire time he’s been talking. ]

“Hot Hands.” [ He even makes the air quotes with his free hand as he smiles, like everything’s all friendly like. Much like Stanley, though, it’s really a baring of his teeth. ] Listen. If you touch Bruce again, I’ll break them. And then my big green friend won’t have to show up to beat your ass into the ground. Capiche?

Comments

[reluctantsword]

Yeah.

[Wallie gives a tired sort of smile.]

The company's pretty good, if nothing else. And I got to say, Tony, I kind of missed having a refrigerator.

[manofiron]

You didn't have a refrigerator? What kind of Dark Ages were you living in?

[ He's only partially joking with that question. ]

[reluctantsword]

The sort of dark ages where literacy is unheard of and they have to tattoo your job on your forehead for ID. We're talking the cradle of civilization.

[manofiron]

Well, that sucks. And you're stuck there? In Illiteracyville forever?

[reluctantsword]

Actually, I wouldn't say that.

[It's hard to explain, maybe, just how attached he got to the World, even if it wasn't his original home.]

The sorcerers I was tasked with dealing with... they were scribes originally. They had an alphabet, and writing, and gunpowder, and a primitive electrical generator. I'm not even sure what else, since even in peace they're unwilling to share too much. The whole culture is on this tipping point. It's... fascinating, but I was always a little bit of a history nerd.

[And there's his wife. Can't forget her, or their theoretical children. He sighs a bit.]

I had a home there.

[manofiron]

And that's... [ He has to take a second to remember how to pronounce the name. ] That's Shonsu's world?

You'd said you were an engineer. And obviously you know what a fridge is. What time period were you from originally?

[reluctantsword]

My memories of Earth are a bit jumbled here and there. I'm fairly certain I was in the 1990s, but I couldn't give you the exact year.

[He hesitates. It bothers him he can't remember something like this.]

I wonder if I have an obituary to dig up.

[manofiron]

That's not so far from my own time. I mean, if you judge by the cell phones, it looks like hundreds of years. But I'm from twenty-twelve.

What is it that makes it hard to remember? The length of time you've been away from it? Or something else?

[ Like whatever sent him back in time to inhabit someone else's body, maybe. ]

[reluctantsword]

I'm not entirely sure. Could be a combination of things, really. I was pretty sick when I died, for one. Everything was a bit confused, and that might have made a difference. On the other hand, well...

The, uh, god who did this did a bit of meddling around in my head. Gave me Shonsu's memories and skills, of course, but not just that. He gave me the local language. I thought in English, but when I spoke it... wasn't, and what I heard was translated for me. I also know that...

[He sighs, and looks at Tony rather bashfully.]

I also know that they removed the ability to read and write in English from my brain and I swear that if you tell that to anyone I will end you.

[manofiron]

[ He cocks his head, expression wrinkling into something that he privately calls his how stupid does Steve think I am? face. ]

Why would I tell anyone? That would be a total douche move.

Can you learn it again? I mean, it'd be long and aggravating, sure, but unless they damaged that part of your brain, you should be able to relearn it. I could teach you.

[reluctantsword]

I don't see why I couldn't. I doubt I would've been much good to anyone if they'd wrecked my ability to learn.

[Wallie sighs heavily. It's just so... embarassing, more than anything else.]

I'd appreciate the help. No rush, but... thanks.

[manofiron]

What else am I doing? Besides making bombs and vibrators for my, I don't know what she is. Uneasy acquaintance? Something.

Sure. I'll teach you. Do you know any other modern day Earth languages? That might actually make it easier for you if you do.

[reluctantsword]

A bit of high school French. Nothing impressive. Languages really weren't my forte.

[He'd always focused on other things, more interesting things.]

... do I want to know about the vibrators?

[manofiron]

That's about how much French I know too. Okay, we'll just do without it.

[ There are things he probably shouldn't tell other people. But he's just trying to help! Really. Matchmaker Tony Stark, always trying to get his buddies laid. ]

Well, see, there's a woman here. Very hot, tight ass, gorgeous breasts, who's a little, shall we say, sexually frustrated. And I thought, since I'm not really available to help her out, I would help her out the not-cheating way.

[reluctantsword]

[He raises an eyebrow, stifling a smirk.]

Very big of you, Tony.

[manofiron]

I'm a saint, I know.

[reluctantsword]

[He shakes his head, grinning.]

Anyway, that can wait until later. You have Bruce to keep an eye on.

[manofiron]

[ He snorts, amused. ]

Well, yeah. He is the priority.

[reluctantsword]

I'm in no real rush. The world won't end because I forgot how to read. Hit me up when you've got time.

[manofiron]

I'm pretty good at multitasking. Don't worry about it.