audio | forward dated a bit to day 66

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[ It's early in the morning. Before most humans should really be awake, honestly. So that's why maybe it's surprising when the communicator, and by extension, the network, catches the sudden panicked inhale of breath and the panic that follows. There's a good minute of rustling and noises that sound a little like whimpers before the sound settles down.

And then it's quiet. A beat. Another, then: ] Fuck, where --

[ That is definitely a familiar voice. Deep breath. Slow exhale - and the recording cuts off in the middle. ]

Comments

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M'not hurt. [ He says very quietly, looking away from the video, taking a deep breath. Ned's been helping him, that's the only reason he's not more frantic than he is. ] Woke up in the woods. M'close, maybe five minutes. Less than.

[ They're out of the woods, and Jesse's glad, but - he's still twitchy. Still letting his eyes dart up to where he knows the cameras are, scanning around him. He can't keep his eyes on the communicator because he's too busy with that. ]

[onteamdyson]

'Kay. Okay, awesome. That's good! That is just...

[She trails off, staring at the front door and then back at the communicator before bouncing from one foot to the other and then pacing around the couch. She scratches at her bad arm, thanks for giving that back, jerks. But they also gave Jesse back. You're safe for now, scientists. Play it cool. Tough chick, remember?]

I was so scared you weren't coming back. [Tough chicks with quiet voices being totes pathetic on a public feed. Nice.]

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Y'can't get rid of me. [ Maybe he's thoroughly exhausted and twitchy, but he can still try to make this into a joke. Somehow. His voice is a tad flat and soft, but he tries. ]

I can see the door. [ He tells her, and he's maybe walking a little faster. It's too open out here. Jesse needs a smaller space. ]

[onteamdyson]

Not even if I slap a clearance sticker on your forehead and offer free beer with purchase.

[Good. It's good that he can see the door because she's flinging that bitch wide open and continuing her antsy dance in the door frame because she's not sure if she should touch him. Not sure if she's even allowed to. All she knows is that she doesn't like him not being here. She didn't like when they weren't talking and she doesn't like the idea of him being anywhere but here. And if he tries that shit again, she'd just have to go after him and drag him back from the dead herself.]

[rigging]

[ She can touch him, she just - needs to let him initiate it. Ned is probably close by, but it's okay, because Jesse thinks Ned understands. They're okay - Jesse will talk with him more later, but for right now, when Kenzi opens the door, Jesse stumbles the last few feet over to her and wraps his arms around her waist, burying his face in her shoulder.

Hey. Maybe he mumbles it, he can't be sure. All he knows is he wants to be inside. Small. ]

[onteamdyson]

[Thank god-- she wraps her arms around him in turn and tries not to hold him too tightly. You said you wouldn't go anywhere. You freakin said! You said if you did go, we'd all go together! But she can't be mad at him. And apparently she's not allowed to be mad at Fun Ghoul. She doesn't know what to do with any of that anger except keep quiet and try to focus on the fact that he's home.

Not home. This isn't anyone's home. This is the worst place ever ... but, she probably wouldn't have met him or Galen otherwise.]

Missed you so freakin' much. Galen's a wreck and I couldn't fix it but you're okay and everything's gonna be okay-- fuck, Jesse. Thought you were gone like Phil and Party and I seriously can't handle losing you, okay? [Calm the fuck down. Jeeze.] ... I mean, I guess you're moderately important or something.

[rigging]

[ He'd say he missed her too, only he doesn't even remember being gone. She doesn't have to worry about holding him too tightly, because he's got a deathgrip on her, face hidden. If he's not careful he's going to end up thinking too much, and thinking too much almost had him throwing up all over Ned. ]

M'here. [ He says, and his voice is so dull it's a little scary. He thinks he handled Ned okay - and the fact that he knows that Kenzi and Galen are going to be just as torn up about this, that they're going to be reeling from the pain Jesse caused them - he's the real one to blame here and he's not sure he can find an excuse to get himself out of that. ]

M'not - m'fine. [ He's very carefully hiding his face. ] M'not going anywhere if I can help it.

[onteamdyson]

[More than a little scary, actually. Not the deathgrip, that's fine, it's the voice. She's ridiculous amounts of worried about him right now.

Hey, come here, come closer to the couch, but don't let go! Sloooowly moving... okay. Sitting. Good. Just-- here, stay really close so she can hold the back of your neck and pet your hair like when you were a wolf and also a blanket and everything was happy for five seconds.]

If you want me to wreck him, I totally will. [Ghoul. She means Ghoul. Galen won't let her go after him because it 'wasn't him' but fuck that. Sometimes a little payback is necessary. He messed with her boys. Fuck that shit.]

... Love you, dude.

[Not lurve. Love.]

[rigging]

[ It makes him feel a little safer, sitting down on the couch, letting her hold him like she does. He wants to know where Galen is, but for right now, he doesn't even really want to move or do anything but try and hold his insides together. Jesse curls, resting his head on her shoulder, keeping his eyes closed and keeping his mind as blank as he can.

His voice is still quiet and measured when he answers. Kenzi's lucky, really - she missed round one of the panic attacks from earlier. ]

I don't wanna talk about him. [ It makes him feel sick, disturbed, like claws gripping at his throat, to think about that, so he won't. There's a long pause, and he reaches for Kenzi's free hand, holding it tightly. ] Love y'too, sweet thing.

[onteamdyson]

Okay, it's okay, we don't have to. We don't have to talk about anything.

[They don't even have to move! She knows she has to give him back to Galen soon, but he's still passed out and there's still some time to just stay here holding Jesse's hand and holding him together like he did for her after they found Phil. They kept each other from falling apart that entire day after losing Galen. It fucking sucked, but it got better. They got him back. And she got Jesse back, so maybe they're all gonna be okay now. Maybe it can only get better from here.

She's not sure how long they stay like that, but the guilt starts to set in and eventually outweighs the need to keep him close and safe and here where she can see him. He's not going to be actually fine until he sees Galen and it's stupidly selfish of her to be in the way of that any longer.]

Jess? Galen's upstairs. Bet you anything he'll have a wicked headache, but he's up there.

[rigging]

[ It's not dread, not really, that Jesse feels at going to see Galen. It's more like he's anxious. He knows Galen is not okay. He knows how badly he fucked Galen over by doing this and Jesse selfishly doesn't want to see the result. So he stays with Kenzi and he lets her hold him, and he soaks in the comfort.

When she tells him Galen's upstairs, he nods a little, mumbles. ] I'll - gimme a bit. [ It's already been a bit, but he's safe right here. He was almost dozing. But eventually he'll move, eventually he'll gingerly, hesitantly kiss Kenzi's cheek, like he's not sure he should. And then he'll get up and go to Galen.

Every single step intensifies the anxiety in his chest. ]