001 | Dirk Gently | Early, Day 75

[zen_navigator]

[This particular detective has been rather quick to notice the new bit of tech strapped to his wrist. It's not long after he arrives then, that a man with a messy mop of brown hair comes into picture on the video screen. The view is directly up his nose for a moment before the shot raises to encompass his face instead. He looks a bit confused, but otherwise unperturbed and uninjured.]

Hello? [A set of fingers taps against the screen, resounding roughly against the microphone.] Hello? Anyone on the other end of this listening? [The view drops to a crooked view of a bright mustard tie and a shirt that looks like it's been in his wardrobe since nineteen seventy-four. The voice continues to speak as the man turns around.] I seem to have been kidnapped and transported. There are far reaching implications. A number of alarming possibilities readily spring to mind... [The face returns and two bushy eyebrows raise over wide eyes.] This is Dirk Gently. I have woken up in a gazebo. A GAZEBO.

[He looks away from the camera, scanning his environment. The inside of the gazebo and a view of the park can be seen behind him for a moment before his face returns. It's just occurred to him that his kidnappers could be the ones on the other end of the line, so it might be in his interest to move somewhere other than where they'd left him.] If this is about any of my outstanding debts, I can assure you that I will be fully capable of paying in full upon my whole and healthy return to London.

Comments

( video )

[enchangement]

[ Unimpressed teenager is unimpressed-looking. ]

In need of a tissue, several maybe. [ What? ] There is no monetary system in place, so no, this is unlikely about debt. Just experimentation.

[zen_navigator]

[He grins when the image shows up on the screen and leans in to get a better look. Her first comment makes him sniff self-consciously. Look, his handkerchief is at home, that's the best he can do. Her second comment however, that's more interesting.] No monetary system? What is this, some sort of freaky hoodoo cult?

[He raises the watch closer to his face, so just his eyes show.] I don't want to be an experiment. Or take part in any sort of experiment. I am not usually anti-experimentation, but in this case, yes, I am definitely anti experimentation. Especially if said experiments involve me being drugged and left in a gazebo like some sort of wild animal. So if you could kindly connect me with [Don't say show me to your leader, that's so cliche] ...the director? Grand hoodoo priestess? Someone. I'd be monumentally grateful.

[hung_garian]

Beats waking up in a gazelle.

[Less insane than River, but perhaps even less inclined to make sense.]

Good luck getting back to London. Wouldn't get my hopes up, though, if I were you.

[zen_navigator]

Why would anyone...[Okay, he's just not even going to go there. Clearly everyone here has gone insane. Maybe something in the water.]

You seem to have a very negative view of things, my friend.

video ((Couldn't resist.))

[tryingitall]

Or an impala.

[ video ]

[foundacause]

Break the gazebo and I break you, that clear, sweetcheeks?

[ And this is why Meg will never be Chair of the Welcoming Committee. ]

Just be glad it was 'kidnapped and transported' not 'kidnapped and tortured' though there is plenty of time for the torturing later.

Enjoy your stay.

[zen_navigator]

[Torture? That doesn't sound good, to say the least.] Is torture a common occurrence around here? Or is it something of a specialty for you?

[thezerothlaw]

If your arrival here has anything to do with outstanding debts, it would be the first arrival that has any reason at all behind it.

[He's gentle, if not exactly sympathetic; this is a terrible situation but he rattles off this theory calmly.]

Do you require assistance?

[zen_navigator]

I believe you will find that everything has reasons, if only the right connections can be found.

[He looks around himself and sighs with great zest.]

I require information. And tea. And a large pepperoni pizza, if possible. [Hey, he can ask.]

[intelligently]

If only I'd thought of that.

[zen_navigator]

[He's just going to assume she's complimenting him here.] I have been known to reach many conclusions which the average man will discount entirely.

[bluesrat]

I... don't think it's got anything to do with debts, just bad luck. You okay man? No injuries? [So many of them seem to show up here bloody and battered.]

[zen_navigator]

As hale and whole as I can be, given the circumstances. I take it that is not always the case?

[magnets]

Ain't no debts that got ya landed here. Sorry, pal. Looks like you're joinin' us in the land'a the hostages.

[zen_navigator]

Hostages? Or lab rats? [He huffs out a breath] I've had quite the rag tag welcoming committee. Don't the people here have anything in common?

[nedofpies]

[ It's always a little bit depressing, greeting the new arrivals, but at least this one seems to be handling it relatively well. He's bargaining rather than passing go and moving on to immediate panic attacks, in the way that he had when he'd first woken up here ]

Getting out of here isn't going to be that easy, I'm afraid. [ Unless the Doctor's plan later that day works and gets them all out, in which case this is the luckiest of the lot of them, Ned thinks it is best that Dirk realizes as soon as possible that he's not going anywhere anytime soon ]

Have you gotten the welcome speech from anyone else, or should I do the honors?

[zen_navigator]

So I've heard. A...[What did the robot call himself?] humaniform robot gave me the situation, and others have been [Helpful would perhaps be a bit too generous] introducing themselves.

Voice

[recognize_an_opportunity]

I assume you've been informed by now that your arrival here has nothing to do with debts. As far as we know, at least.

[zen_navigator]

You assume correctly. Who is this?

[video]

[heavensmostadorable]

I imagine there are a number of others listening; they--...we, I suppose--generally keep a watch for new arrivals.

[There's a pause in which he tips his head just slightly, eyeing the man on the other end of the feed quietly. The guy doesn't seem to be in any state of harm at least, just confused. But that's entirely understandable, and common of anyone in his situation.]

...I don't believe your capture has anything to do with debts, however. It doesn't seem as though there are any particular reasons for people being taken - they simply are. [An almost apologetic look is then offered, as though he hopes it might make the man feel even a little better.] Are you alright? Do you require any assistance?

[zen_navigator]

[Siiiiigh] No. I'm absolutely swell, thanks. [Sorry, he's getting a bit grumpy by now.]

( v i d e o )

[mentis]

[ He's not laughing at you, Dirk. He's just one of those perpetually amused friendly fellows. Honestly. ]

There are worse places to wake up in.

[zen_navigator]

In this universe of infinite possibility, it is not impossible that I could have awoken in the vacuum of space. That doesn't make waking up in a piddly town full of weirdos and maniacs any more appealing. [Yeah, he's sensing the amusement and he's not liking it.]

Video

[tryingitall]

Good morning! You've been abducted, like the rest of us. Can't tell you who the abductors are, but I would avoid the woods if I were you, and don't go swimming too far offshore. [Balthazar is not the welcoming committee, normally, but he's fidgety the past two days thanks to this escape plan coming up.

It seems wise to keep track of everyone. Anything could happen.]

[zen_navigator]

Why, is there an invisible barrier or something? [He's joking here. Mostly. He thinks he's joking.]