002 | Phil Coulson | [Video]

[theshield_agent]

[He's pointing his wrist at the giant box in the center of town.]

Anyone want to tell me what the heck I'm looking at. I think I heard "old Norse" and that just begs the question of whether we have anyone who can read old Norse. I'm afraid I don't speak any dead languages, myself, and this isn't anything I've seen before.

Comments

[onteamdyson]

Cubes are for squares, Coulson! Zip it with your logical comebacks. Are you freaking out yet?

[theshield_agent]

Well, this isn't the most troublesome cube I've dealt with so far, so I'm pretty calm.

[onteamdyson]

... Do I even want to know why you've dealt with troublesome cubes? Do I even want to know why this is not the first cube you've had to deal with?! Are geometric shapes a high-priority threat to the planet? I should probably shoot any trapezoids I see on sight just to be safe. Only you could be calm in the face of geometry.

[theshield_agent]

Trapezoidal shapes are the most threatening shapes. You can tell because they look so unbalanced. [He smirks.]

[onteamdyson]

[Kenzi is ashamed that she laughed. So very, very ashamed. But there was indeed a gigglefit just now and it takes her a second to recover.]

Philliam Middle-Name Coulson, you are my favourite. Did you talk to not-Loki? The one that isn't the one you were looking for? I bet he did it. Let's blame him for stuff again, it worked pretty well the first time. You said Norse, right? That's like... vikings and shit. Do we know any vikings? Round up the blonde people. Start with Sharon. I'll wait.

[theshield_agent]

I did talk to him. He's going to try to read this stuff and see if it says anything interesting.

[He's smiling now. It's nice to have a housemate who can get him to smile like that. She doesn't let things get too heavy and he appreciates that.]

I don't think Agent Carter is a viking.

[onteamdyson]

Aha! But you don't know for sure!

[How the hell could anyone ever take her seriously? Ever? Taking the serious out of serious situations is one of her most valuable skills. Bo knows this for a freakin' fact.]

I bet it's a really defective rubicks cube. Oh my god, is that the troublesome cube you were talking about? Don't feel bad, Phil. Those things are hard. I just peeled the stickers off and put them back on the right way. Do we have any vodka?

[theshield_agent]

... That's how I solved mine, too. How did you know?

[She doesn't need to know about the tesseract.]

I may have seen some around. Are you even old enough to drink?

[onteamdyson]

I'm psychic.

[... Goddammit, Phil.] Et tu, Brute? First of all, the legal drinking age in Canada is 19. Secondly, I am TWENTY-TWO, PHILLIAM! What is it with you agents and thinking I'm twelve or something. Jeeze! I'm an adult. I am a grown-ass woman. I am responsible!

[Ignore the fact that she has not once made her bed since moving in and has been known to eat ice cream at three in the morning.]

[theshield_agent]

If you were psychic, you wouldn't have agreed to live in a house with Natasha.

[He grins.]

Sorry, I'm an old man. I have no concept of this stuff anymore.

[onteamdyson]

So true. Point taken. Moving on. Since you're so totally and completely ancient, maybe you should leave the important stuff to the younger generation. You know. In case your Alzheimer's and senile mind get in the way.

[That is one secretive smile.] Trust me, Phil. You're not old. Not even close.

[theshield_agent]

Kenz, I'm over twice your age. You're supposed to think I'm old, even if I'm not.

[Though he's pretty sure she doesn't do what she's supposed to all that much.]

[onteamdyson]

Only twice? I stand by my previous statement. Not even close.

[Not compared to Dyson, Hale, or Trick.]

[theshield_agent]

Okay, what are you trying to get from me?

[onteamdyson]

[Smooth, Kenz. Way to be COMPLETELY SUSPICIOUS JUST THEN. Idiot.]

What?! Why do I always have to be trying to get something when I'm being nice? I can be not up to something for five seconds!


.... three, two, one. How attached to the coffee table in the living room are you?

[Nice save, Kenzi.]

[theshield_agent]

Compliments like that are always suspect.

[He smiles with a little shrug.] It's not my table. Either we can fix it or we get rid of it.

[onteamdyson]

You know, you are the least authoritarian authority figure in the entire universe. Never leave me, Philliam. I'd be lost without you..

Also, pretty sure we can find someone older than you. I'm gonna get right on that since you're busy messing around with the most boring sky-box of all time. Call me when it does something cool like dispense candy or cause the zombie apocalypse.

[theshield_agent]

Loki's older than me. Technically Rogers is, too. [Come to think of it, he's been laying pretty low.]

I'll call you if the cube starts dancing, Kenz.