Video | Day 93

[buckleupforsafety]

Kore. Mr. Kore? [Wait, he's a villain with his own land mass.] Kore the Great?

I know Section 12 Subsection E Paragraph mrmrm [24 mumbles this because he doesn't actually remember the number.] of the Guild handbook states that any kidnapped henchman should be allowed to record a tearful message pleading with his boss to have mercy and save his worthless life within 48 hours of his capture, but can we hurry it up?

If The Monarch thinks I'm dead and not being being held prisoner, they're going to give away my room in the cocoon. I'll have to sleep in the basement with the new recruits. Do you know how many of them have nightmares? I'll never get a good night's sleep again!

Comments

[hung_garian]

Well, I don't know... I could get in a lot of trouble if the boss finds out. Taking pity doesn't really gel with the whole 'evil minion' deal, y'know?

[buckleupforsafety]

I'm not asking you to set me free. I just need someone to speed up the process.

What is he doing right now, anyway? Sitting on his evil throne?

[hung_garian]

Oh, just the usual Dark Lord stuff. Counting his money, taunting the weak, twirling his moustache, kicking puppies...

[He shrugs.]

He's very busy, anyway.

[buckleupforsafety]

How long is this going to take, then?

[hung_garian]

[He makes a show of looking at the watch which is, ostensibly, on his other wrist. (There's nothing there really.)]

Should be all under control in, uh... twenty six hours, give or take. Less, if you're lucky and/or resort to bribery. Why? In a hurry? There's no way you're getting your stuff back, you're in a whole other dimension.

[buckleupforsafety]

What am I supposed to do until then?

[He looks from side to side, considering his surroundings.]

Right. Another dimension. Where are we, somewhere off the coast of California?

[hung_garian]

Looks like Maine to me.

[Although the fact that he doesn't actually know should, perhaps, be something of a giveaway that he's been lying this whole time.]

Try the bar. Terribly stocked and the company's dreadful, but it beats wandering aimlessly through the woods.

[buckleupforsafety]

[Yeah. Great. Thanks for that.]

Looks like? You don't know, either?

You're just another hostage.

[hung_garian]

[He seems offended, though the very fact that he does means he probably isn't.]

Oh, not just. I've never been 'just another' anything in my life.

[buckleupforsafety]

No, you're right. You're the one who thinks it's fun to screw with the rest of us.

[hung_garian]

Yes, I am. Best pastime I ever tried, if you want my honest opinion.

[buckleupforsafety]

Was anything you told me the truth?

[hung_garian]

'Truth' is such a tricky concept. Some of it might have been, I suppose. I'd have to think about it.

[buckleupforsafety]

If it's not the part about the bar, don't bother telling me when you figure it out.

[hung_garian]

Oh, the bar's real. I just wouldn't count on there being too much booze left in it.

[buckleupforsafety]

Why? Did I just miss a party?

[hung_garian]

Every night's a party when you're stuck in a town full of bored alcoholics in serious need of therapy.

[buckleupforsafety]

You make this place sound better all the time.

[hung_garian]

Oh, yeah. Frankly I think I should be compensated for all this PR work I'm doing.

[buckleupforsafety]

[Not sure he can trust the answer he gets, but while he's thinking of it...]

So do they give us jobs here? Cleaning the bathrooms or making license plates or something?

[hung_garian]

Yes-- and no. All our assigned jobs are much more practical than that. I'm a porn star, my buddy Dean's a hooker, and my sister's working in retail... which admittedly might be more useful if we had any shops.

[And if he believes any of that, he's dumber than even Gabriel had thought.]

Just a warning though, we've already got four beauty specialists - hair, nails, make up, you name it - so I'd recommend picking something a little more niche if you wanna actually get much custom.

[buckleupforsafety]

Porn stars and hairdressers.

I'm going to go check out this house the voice on my watch tells me I'm staying in.

Somewhere over there. Not talking to you.

[hung_garian]

You can't do both at once? Guess multitasking isn't such a valuable skill for you henchmen, then. Shame. I'd have thought it'd come in handy.

[buckleupforsafety]

[You know what else comes in handy? Ignoring big fat liars.]