001 | Phil Coulson | [Audio]

[theshield_agent]

This is Phil Coulson. In an effort to keep organized and assess the situation, I'd like to try to get a rundown of everyone here. If I could get everyone to check in with me and let me know what sort of skills they might have, I would really appreciate that. Anything from medical knowledge to combat to cooking or carpentry could be useful and I would love some help with all this clerical stuff.

I'll be in the general store taking inventory if you prefer that to these communicators.


((ooc note: He is compiling a list that will be shown to other characters.))

Comments

[flatasgodmademe.livejournal.com]

Hi, Phil. Or should I say Philliam?

I... can do paperwork. Cooking, everything leans a little to the left, so it's possible no one but me will eat it. But I used to do paperwork for my dad's PI business. [As well as other things, but she won't mention those quite yet.]

[theshield_agent]

[Thanks, Kenzi.]

Well, everything I make causes the people who ate it to lean over a toilet, so yours sounds better.

And I would love another person to help with itemizing things. Thanks, Veronica.

[flatasgodmademe.livejournal.com]

Wow. Philliam, Philliam, Philliam. You have got to learn how to cook.

And yay, itemizing things. Just what I always wanted!

[theshield_agent]

Well, I'm having a ball with this stuff, myself. Crates of milk are pretty much my calling in life. Back when I was FBI, it was milk, milk, milk all day long and I've really missed it.

[flatasgodmademe.livejournal.com]

[That. That gets her attention.]

You were FBI?

[theshield_agent]

For quite a while before SHIELD recruited me. Why?

[flatasgodmademe.livejournal.com]

[Because Phil just got so much cooler, that's why.]

I'm planning to apply to the FBI. You know. When we get home. So you just went from X-Files background extra to tropical island god.

[What?]

Which I mean in a totally non-creepy way.

[theshield_agent]

I appreciate that, but I think I went from X-Files background extra to Agent Scully.

[He laughs.]

I loved working at the FBI, though. It was great. What are you planning to go to school for?

[flatasgodmademe.livejournal.com]

Criminal justice, with a minor in forensics.

Got any pointers?

[theshield_agent]

Get good grades and stick to the legal side of the fun spectrum. It sounds simple, but a lot of people mess up before they even get started in the dumbest ways. You're obviously smart, so stick with your gut about it.

[flatasgodmademe.livejournal.com]

[Hmm...]

So if I've been arrested... like, semi-often, but never charged, that's cool, right?

[Of course it is. Because it wouldn't be on her record. Officially. But if he thinks the FBI will dig that crap up anyway, she might be screwed...]

[theshield_agent]

Not if you weren't charged and maybe take a look at not getting arrested anymore? Anything from before you turned 18 doesn't count unless it was a felony, anyway.

[flatasgodmademe.livejournal.com]

I'm willing to consider not getting arrested anymore. [She is supposed to be normal, easy-going Veronica Mars from here on out, after all.]

But I can't make any promises. Sure, I've got the bribes in place and the girls on the streets, but it just takes one little snitch...

[Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait.]

By which I mean I'm just a regular high schooler and only hired a prostitute, like, twice tops. [And she won't mention how many people she's bribed here and there, because let's face it, it won't make her look good to the FBI guy.]

Once.

Actually? I don't even know what a prostitute is. Some kind of Swedish fish or something?

[theshield_agent]

[Phil laughs. She's either going to be a star agent or she's going to be a star criminal and he can't entirely tell which.]

For some reason, you don't strike me as the type to go out and pay women for sex. I don't know what it is, but it doesn't seem right...

[flatasgodmademe.livejournal.com]

[Veronica nods in understanding.] You think I look poor. And you'd be right. But there are some immensely charitable hookers. Real hearts of gold.

[theshield_agent]

They give you a discount? Because if you're not paying them for sex, you haven't actually done anything illegal.

[flatasgodmademe.livejournal.com]

Where have you been all my life?

Seriously. You're surpassing Scully. You're rounding third and going straight for naked Mulder.

... Which sounded so much better in my head.

[theshield_agent]

[He laughs.]

Naked Mulder always sounds better in your head. You can't blame yourself for that.

[flatasgodmademe.livejournal.com]

I think I'm just gonna... [She jerks a thumb to the side and gives a quick whistle.] Pull a quick Wile E. Coyote and get out of here. Pretend this never happened.

Except for the avoiding-arrest advice. I might as well remember that.

[theshield_agent]

Alright, Veronica. You be careful out there. Not all prostitutes have a heart of gold.

[flatasgodmademe.livejournal.com]

Coulson. You need to hang with me sometime. You've been meeting all the wrong prostitutes.

[theshield_agent]

[He laughs.] Yeah, I need you to find me one I can take home to my mother.

[flatasgodmademe.livejournal.com]

[Veronica grins and backs up.]

I'll see you when I find one for you. Really nice girl. Working the streets to get money for grad school. Something like that.