001 | Video

[sellerofsins]

Huh. Well isn't this just nice and cosy? Not exactly where I want to be but isn't it always so delightful when someone intervenes with your busy day for their own amusement and drops you in the middle of fuck knows where?

[Meet Crowley. The annoyed looking man currently glaring into the camera. He doesn't know who you people are or what's going all, all he knows is that he probably hates you. All of you.]

Let me guess, this is somehow the Winchesters' fault? Always is, never a moments peace. Boys, boys, boys. Not in the mood to play today, I have better things to do. Forgive me if I don't plan to stick around.

So, if anyone out there can kindly point me to the nearest exit, I will be most grateful.

Comments

[sellerofsins]

That's usually a sign of a man with 'issues'.

[He clucks his tongue.]

The big one-- what's his name? Sam. Big ol' moose.

[goodluckkobra]

Oh, yeah, he's gone, too. Personally, I think he's still in the woods, communing with nature and mumbling to himself, but his friends think they're both gone.

One of them was all wah wah where are my friends?

[ Yeah, so Kobra's a hypocrite. ]

[sellerofsins]

I really wouldn't put it passed him. He always did seem like he was secretly yearning to frolic with the moose's in the wild.

[Crowley will never call him on it, it's far too amusing.]

Ah public displays of maudlin depression. They never get old.

[goodluckkobra]

Right? I just get violent. Solves everything.

[ Actually, it had solved nothing and made several people get angry at him, but whatever. ]

Sometimes you just gotta bust caps.

[sellerofsins]

Violence really does solve everything.

[It doesn't but Crowley loves bad advice.]

Metaphorical caps work better in my case.

[goodluckkobra]

Yeah, well... not like I've got a gun here. I had a bad-ass laser gun, but they took it.

[ Kobra's face is under the definition of bad advice in the fake dictionary. ]

So what's your story? You use words like lasers or what?

[sellerofsins]

A laser gun? How much would you need one here?

[Interesting. Someone wanted something, he was still on the clock. Why not strike a few deals if he could?]

I know what lasers are, they're not exactly unknown. I've had a few knocking about back home.

[goodluckkobra]

Uh, mostly to shoot my enemies with, because there's no way I can take some of them hand-to-hand. I don't have a fuckin' death wish.

[ This is a complete lie. ]

Also there's some fucked up shit here. Giant animals and fuckin' psycho government agents who threaten to smash my face.

[sellerofsins]

I can imagine. Plus getting your hands dirty is never pretty. Well, if you're ever desperate, I have means to get whatever I want, maybe you'll get lucky and I'll find a laser gun.

[He offers such a false smile. Legit, totally false.]

Charming. Well, I hope they don't mind me not wanting to stick around but I've never been a fan of face smashing. Giant animals? I can take them and leave them.

[goodluckkobra]

[ The word desperate catches his ear, as bad ideas always do, and he pretty much ignores everything else.. ]

How desperate should I be?

[sellerofsins]

Well that all depends on your mileage. But if like I said, if you ever feel like you just can't live without it, I'll see what I can do. It's a little gift I have. A honest trade, if you will.

[goodluckkobra]

[ He shakes his head. ]

Dude, take it from me. There isn't much you can't live without if you need to. I used to eat dog food. 'M not that desperate for anything.

[ Well, maybe Lydia and his Killjoys. ]

[sellerofsins]

Charming. Humans never cease to surprise me.

Well, regardless, sometimes it's nicer to live than just survive.

[goodluckkobra]

If you say so, but you can't miss what you never had.

You another god or something? A friend of Loki's?

[sellerofsins]

God? [His ego says yes, his rationality says no.] Not quite. And no, I'm not a trickster. I don't play headgames and I'm not about to pull people around. I'm just a businessman really.

[goodluckkobra]

Wow, that sounds really boring. You should probably just lie, dude.

For example, back home, I'm a homeless freedom fighter, but here... I'm a superhero.

[ He waves his arms excitedly. It really doesn't help the video. ]

What's your name, anyway, businessman?

[sellerofsins]

No offence but both of those also sound boring. And kind of dull.

[He doesn't need to impress a child, he's far too cocky for that these days. He can splatter people up a wall, what did their opinions matter really?]

Crowley. And you?

[goodluckkobra]

Kobra. Kobra Kid. The 6 is silent.

[ He grins. Only a boring business dude would think being a fuckin' superhero was boring. ]

And none taken, but you'll see when I save your life some day, Crowley. I'm kind of a big deal around here. I fought a god and lived to tell about it and sleep with him.

[ Impressed? ]

[sellerofsins]

... Right. Kobra kid with a silent 7. Quaint.

[He offers a truly baffled expression. Where do people get these things.]

... Is that usually deemed impressive? Kind of sounds like a work-a-day Tuesday evening.

[He smirks. Good luck impressing ol' Crowls.]

[goodluckkobra]

[ Prolonged former drug use and minor brain damage, mostly! ]

Cooler than business, dude. I mean like... two Lokis and Satan are here. You gotta come up with something better than that if you wanna stand out.

[sellerofsins]

Satan? You mean the man who formerly ruled hell, had a temper tantrum because daddy didn't love him enough and lost his job while squabbling with his brother? Forgive me for not shaking in my very expensive shoes.

[He rolls his eyes.] And I would think, I was you, exactly what kind of business I deal in.

[goodluckkobra]

[ Oh, that gets his attention. He doesn't know much about religious shit, but weird, sketchy stuff he gets. ]

Is it something sexy? Are you a pimp? Mafia accountant?

[sellerofsins]

Well the jobs are wrong. [But he is gloriously sexy... in his own head. Which, really, is a better version of reality. Cause he is beyond fabulous.]

Nope, think more outside the box. Think grander.

[goodluckkobra]

You're an arms manufacturer, aren't you?

[ He sounds disappointed and a little put off. ]

[sellerofsins]

Don't be so unimaginative. Allow me to put it very simply: you'll never guess.

[He simply smirks.] Let's just call it a day, shall we?