002 || Britta Perry || Day 58 || video

[brittanator]

[ Britta's face is obscenely close to the screen, and something about her face looks more angular than normal. She pulls herself back, then quickly dips to grab something and hold it tighter to her chest. Her shoulders are bare, as is... the rest of her. She's concocted a dress made out of Kleenex, but she seems to be struggling with it. ]

WHAT THE EFF?

Who did this! THIS ISN'T FUNNY!

I'm pretty sure these wings are real, okay? Whoever did this? Not cool, dude. Not cool!

And whatever you did with Annie? You'd better undo it right now.

Annie? If you're out there? Come home, okay? I need you.

[ And not just to help Britta find clothes that fit. Britta needs to know her little sister is okay. ]

Comments

(audio)

[disbar]

[ Even if they are living together, no way is Britta getting the satisfaction of seeing... this. That luxury doesn't go both ways, though, and there are many excellent jokes that spring to mind for a later date. ]

You lost Annie?

Re: (audio)

[brittanator]

No! She isn't in her room, though! I went to see if she could help me with something to wear, and she was gone.

Why are we talking over the comms? You in your room?

(audio)

[disbar]

Britta, I'm saying this as nicely as I can: don't come in my room. Alright?

We'll find Annie. We'll get her back.

(audio)

[brittanator]

[ Britta doesn't look remotely comforted by that. ] Yeah. I guess. Maybe she went out for breakfast or she got turned into a mouse or something. I'll keep looking.

[ She looks at Jeff suspiciously, her eyes starting to dance as a she grins teasingly. ] Why? What's in your room? Something smelly? Something scary? [ She rolls her eyes. ] And don't do that flirty thing you do and be like, "A monster... in my pants." Just tell me what's going on in there.

(audio)

[disbar]

[ He groans. ] Please don't make me recycle old comebacks. [ That would be 'nunya business'. ] It's not worth the time or the effort.

Just focus on keeping that kleenex up, Tinkerbell.

(audio)

[brittanator]

Yeah, like I'd let you see anything underneath this aloe-vera'd double-ply.

Seriously. Did you get turned into something, too? [ Her eyes widen. That would explain everything. ] You did! What did you turn into?

(audio)

[disbar]

Uh, that would be nunya business, pixie. [... Dammit.]

(audio)

[brittanator]

You know I can just look through the keyhole, right?

(audio)

[disbar]

Sure. And you know there are several objects in here that make for excelling fly-swatters, right?

(audio)

[brittanator]

You know I can put tacks all over your floor while you sleep, right?

Re: (audio)

[disbar]

Britta - [ This is getting them nowhere. It's not even making him happy, like snarking back and forth normally does. ]

Fine. Get in here, and say nothing.

Action!

[brittanator]

[ She doesn't need any more encouragement than that. It takes her several minutes to fly all the way to his room, but when she does, she has to throw herself against the door several times to make an audible knock. ]

JEFF? IT'S ME! BRITTA!

[disbar]

[ He's already regretting this.

The door opens slowly, revealing quite the sight. Snakes for hair, Britta. Snakes for hair. He manages to quirk an eyebrow behind the shades. ] What? Didn't feel like squeezing through the keyhole?

[brittanator]

With these wings? You're kidding, right?

[ She zips in before he can change his mind, but then she ends up gaping at him so badly that she forgets to keep flying until she notices she's falling to the ground. She beats her wings enough to get herself steady again and then goes back to staring. ]

Um.

[ Careful, Britta. As a psych major, you know how fragile Jeff's ego is. ]

Trying out a new look, huh? I like it!

[ On a dog, maybe. ]

[disbar]

[/hiss. No, really, he can hiss now. Well, the snakes can.]

Okay, bye Britta! Have fun not getting confused for a mosquito.

[brittanator]

[ She flitters back as his hair hisses at her and instinctively holds up her hands. ]

What? I mean it! It's very... very lawyer.

[ Aw, yeah. That was a good save, Dave. ]

[disbar]

[ Lineface. Well, as much of one he can accomplish behind sunglasses. ] While unfortunately true, you're not helping.

[brittanator]

[ Britta instinctively flits out of his reach, and the reach of his hair. She can't entirely hide her smile. ]

Are you admitting that lawyers look like you currently do, Jeff?

[disbar]

[ He growls slightly. Seriously, what is happening to him? ] Don't start, Thumbelina.

[brittanator]

Start what? Start pointing out that this is how beauty corporations convince women they look so they can force the idea that they're ugly down women's throats and then come along with this miracle cure that will make them beautiful again, if only they agree to sell out their confidence and self-esteem?

Would you care for some Dove, Jeff?

[ Maybe she should start floating toward the door... Yeah, let's do that. ]