002 || Britta Perry || Day 58 || video

[brittanator]

[ Britta's face is obscenely close to the screen, and something about her face looks more angular than normal. She pulls herself back, then quickly dips to grab something and hold it tighter to her chest. Her shoulders are bare, as is... the rest of her. She's concocted a dress made out of Kleenex, but she seems to be struggling with it. ]

WHAT THE EFF?

Who did this! THIS ISN'T FUNNY!

I'm pretty sure these wings are real, okay? Whoever did this? Not cool, dude. Not cool!

And whatever you did with Annie? You'd better undo it right now.

Annie? If you're out there? Come home, okay? I need you.

[ And not just to help Britta find clothes that fit. Britta needs to know her little sister is okay. ]

Comments

[manofiron]

Are you wearing a tissue?

[ Sorry, Britta. Nudity kind of overrules the whole fairy thing at the moment. ]

[brittanator]

[ And cue self-awareness and disgruntlement. ]

Yeah.

None of my clothes fit anymore!

[manofiron]

How do they—Wait.

Did you shrink? What the hell is going on around here?

[brittanator]

Nooooooooooo, I could always use a Kleenex as a dress. That's why I have so many that fit!

[manofiron]

Okay, look. I woke up a dead, sparkly douchebag this morning. I'm not really on top of my game right now.

[hung_garian]

Really? Cause from where I'm standing, it's kind of hilarious.

[brittanator]

Yeah? Well guess what!

You suck!

[ That... didn't seem angry enough. Try again. Three. Two. One. ]

You suck rocks!

[ Rocks? Seriously? ]

[hung_garian]

Unless that's a euphemism, no I don't. And FYI, your comebacks are about as good as your dress sense right now. Ripped paper chic is so 2007.

[brittanator]

Nothing else fits! And- and your eyebrows are-

You know what? I don't have to deal with this. I have to go find some clothes.

YOUR EYEBROWS ARE STUPID!

[ With that rousing insult, she turns off the feed. ]

[ Except for how she missed the button because her "dress" was slipping again. ]

Asshole.

[hung_garian]

And to think I had them threaded just yesterday! I'll have to take it up with my beautician.

(audio)

[disbar]

[ Even if they are living together, no way is Britta getting the satisfaction of seeing... this. That luxury doesn't go both ways, though, and there are many excellent jokes that spring to mind for a later date. ]

You lost Annie?

Re: (audio)

[brittanator]

No! She isn't in her room, though! I went to see if she could help me with something to wear, and she was gone.

Why are we talking over the comms? You in your room?

(audio)

[disbar]

Britta, I'm saying this as nicely as I can: don't come in my room. Alright?

We'll find Annie. We'll get her back.

(audio)

[brittanator]

[ Britta doesn't look remotely comforted by that. ] Yeah. I guess. Maybe she went out for breakfast or she got turned into a mouse or something. I'll keep looking.

[ She looks at Jeff suspiciously, her eyes starting to dance as a she grins teasingly. ] Why? What's in your room? Something smelly? Something scary? [ She rolls her eyes. ] And don't do that flirty thing you do and be like, "A monster... in my pants." Just tell me what's going on in there.

(audio)

[disbar]

[ He groans. ] Please don't make me recycle old comebacks. [ That would be 'nunya business'. ] It's not worth the time or the effort.

Just focus on keeping that kleenex up, Tinkerbell.

video

[venatical]

Are you wearing a Kleenex?

[ This is terrible. People are turning into things and freaking out, and this morning Dean sneezed while thinking really hard about lollipops, and then there was a lollipop in his hand. And then he ate an entire pie that he made out of thin air.

So it's terrible, and this chick's having a serious issue, but Dean's on his second pie and so... things are...

...kind of great.

He doesn't hide his snicker. ]

What are you going to do if it rains? Or we all catch colds?

Re: video

[brittanator]

Yes, okay? I'm wearing a Kleenex! And I'm not going outside if it's raining, and if you catch a cold you'll just have to suffer! I don't care if it's the charitable thing to do, I'm not letting you get snot all over the only thing I've found to wear!

[venatical]

What about a sock? You could use it as footie pajamas.

[ LOOOOOOL this is great ]

[brittanator]

You're soooooooooooooooo funny I forgot to laugh.

Don't you have something better to do? Like not be here?

[venatical]

Wha-- Come on! That was awesome!

Did your sense of humor shrink along with everything else? 'Cause you're probably going to need it now.

What with the wings and the tissue clothes.

[buttsoupbarnes]

[Troy discovers Britta by essentially walking into her. He almost instinctively swats her away.]

Wh- Britta?

[His tail perks up in curiosity]

Is that seriously you? I was gonna accuse you of this very unfunny and very racist prank someone has pulled on me-

[He gestures towards the monkey tail]

-but clearly you have your own problems. What the hell is going on? How did you- WHAT!?

[Just... what. Troy is so torn between being scared and thinking this is totally awesome.]

[brittanator]

Troy!

[ She flits to the side in an effort to avoid him, then hastily had to drop down to stay behind the Kleenex. It's harder to carry while flying than she thought. ]

Well, surprise, surprise, the people keeping us here are racist. Have you noticed how few black people there are? It's like, what are we, right? A television sitcom on NBC?

And apparently a bunch of people have changed into other things and I'm a fairy now, because why wouldn't I be some representation of ultra-feminine weakness? Men. [ She rolls her eyes. ] They probably figure women are as annoying as gnats and ought to be swatted like knats.

But never mind that, okay? Have you seen Annie or Jeff?

[buttsoupbarnes]

You're... a fairy?

[Troy takes a moment to wrap his head around this.]

Does that mean you can sprinkle some fairy dust on me and I can fly if I think happy thoughts? Because I'm not gonna lie, I've had my happy thought all planned out since I was about six just in case this ever happened.

I haven't heard from Annie and Jeff is... Well, something's up with him.

[brittanator]

I haven't been farting magical fairy dust, Troy. [ She flits around. It's hard to stay floating in one place for longer than a couple seconds. ]

What we need is a game plan. I'll look for Annie and talk to Jeff. Think you can find someone to make us normal?

[buttsoupbarnes]

[While Britta babbles on about a plan or something, Troy decides to ignore her and think his happy thought anyway- just in case. It was worth a try, right?]

Um... Britta? [Troy's eyes widen as he looks down towards the ground] You sure about the fairy dust thing?

[He points down at his feet which are both clearly hovering about a foot of the ground]