Kenzi and Jesse are drunk idiots - JOINTPOSTEXTRAVAGANZA!

[onteamdyson]

[The feed starts out as audio of two idiots giggling, snickering, and clanging some pots or some shiz around until idiot number one remembers how to switch to video. Suddenly there's a shirtless Jesse standing in front of the stove with a frying pan in hand while Kenzi sits on the counter filming this magic.

You're welcome, Kore.]

Okay! Okay-- no, shut up! Okay. Today on cooking with Kenzi, we have speeeeecial guest, Chef Hotsauce cookin' up some grub. No-- no, dude, it's totally-- you have to call it grub if you caught it. I caught it. Okay, go. Go! Whatcha cookin', Hotsauce?

[ He will NOT shut up, rude. He's laughing too hard to answer for a second, because Hotsauce. Also, he's very drunk. It's hard to stop anything when he's drunk. ]

Cookin' - Hotsauce, jesus - rabbit. Fuckin' rabbit that Miss Kenzi caught all on her lonesome. Round of applause for her badassery, yeah? [ To his credit, his gaze only flickers to the camera once during all of his words. ] Rabbit and. Leaves. The fuck are these. [ Dude. You're the chef, you should know what that handful of rosemary is. ]

You heard it, folks! Rabbit. And. Leaves. This is culinary freakin'... genius you're witnessing. Okay. Do we need salt? I can salt it. I can do the salt part, Jesse. Just watch me. I'm saltacular. Trust me with the salt! Can I touch something? What about this?!

[That sure is a spatula suddenly in front of the camera. That sure is a spatula hitting Jesse in the arm... that sure is an unsanitary spatula now. Great.

KENZI sit down, Jesse is cooking. Does it need salt? Probably. Jesse shrugs, throwing the rosemary on top of the rabbit in the pan in front of him, and reaches for his glass, which is nearly empty. He's had a few. The spatula, however, makes him jump, which means they now have both a spatula that is unsanitary and a rabbit that is covered in rum. Uh. ]

Shit! Fuckin' - uh. Oops.

[Kenzi's laughing so damn hard that she drops the spatula, doubles over, and can barely breathe by the time she finally shuts off the feed. Don't try this at home, ladies and gents. Also... no one eat that.]

Comments

( action )

[gleans]

[ WHAT IS THIS RUMPUS? Galen hears the noise downstairs and comes to investigate, stopping and staring in the kitchen doorway for the latter half of their, uh... broadcast. ]

... You guys are trashed, aren't you.

( action )

[rigging]

Trashed - implies somethin' negative. [ Jesse informs Galen from the floor, grinning widely. ] We're - I dunno, Kenz, what's a word. Sloshy? Bamboozled.

( action )

[onteamdyson]

Kippered! [She suggests, cheerfully, and raises her glass in Galen's direction.] No... no, wait, we're ... F-fff-- we're sauced.

[gleans]

[ He honestly has no idea how to react. It's funny, but maybe he's just 1000% done with alcohol after his grief-induced indiscretion the other day. ]

Uh huh. Sooo you couldn't do that away from a hot stove?

[rigging]

Sauced, that's a good word. [ He peers at Galen. ] Ay, ay, we're away from the stove. Sorta. I'm careful! I'm so careful. Kenzi's my lookout.

[onteamdyson]

So careful. [Probably not as convincing as it could be with all the laughter.] Nothing's on fire yet! Still good. Come here!

[gleans]

[ He shuffles in, stopping next to the two of them, eyeing their creepy creation. It... doesn't look terribly appetizing. ]

I'm totally looking forward to watching you guys eat this thing, anyway. You think Anna can cure food poisoning?

[rigging]

[ Jesse sniffs, making an obnoxious face. ] Can Anna cure your bad attitude 'bout our cooking? [ oh snap ]

[onteamdyson]

Oh. Oh, Galen, Squishyface, you must be standing in front of an oven or something, 'cause that was a sick burn.

[High five, Jesse!]

Also, for your sake? You best be hoping so, son! We made that scrumptious shiz for you. Also because we were seriously hungry. But mostly because you!

[How can you be frowning when she's smiling so damn much? Come on, Galen.] ... Is it even still cooking?

[gleans]

Hey. [ He nudges at Jesse with his foot, then sort of... frowns at Kenzi, and peers at the oven. Then back to Kenzi. As much as he'd like something substantial to eat, he's... not so sure about this. ]

Well, it's not burning yet, so that's good. What'd you even put on it?

[rigging]

[ Fuck yeah, high five for Kenzi. Jesse continues to make his face at Galen, curling into Kenzi's side. He feels good. He doesn't want that to stop. ] Rum. Uh, accidentally.

[onteamdyson]

And salt. Unaccidentally. Thar be a pirabbit. Salty, rum-soaked scallywag. Yar... and shit. [She sets her drink back down, wraps an arm around Jesse and reaches for Galen with the other one. Grabby hands.] hit the deck with the rest of the crew or walk the plank!

[gleans]

Rum and salt. [ SKEPTICAL. Galen glances at the oven again before sighing and sitting down with them, legs folded. ] Better than fuckin' crackers, I guess. Was the rabbit your doing, Xena?

[rigging]

[ Yes good, now all of them can lay all over each other. Or at least, that's what Jesse's going to do. He pulls Galen closer and takes his hand, resting his head on Kenzi's shoulder. ]

She murdered the fuck outta that thing. Amazon lady, she is. [ Jesse mumbles, yawning a little. ]

[onteamdyson]

[Pffffff! Okay, leaning and compliments. This is awesome. Even if Galen is still grumpy. Don't be grumpy, Galen. Just for that, she's gonna do the cheek-squish. HA! Deal with that.]

Pretty sure I don't... meet... minimum amazonian height requirements. [And she apologizes to the food after she kills it. Seriously, it was a lot more impressive when Party did it. She's got too much guilt for this kinda thing, but it's either this or her boys don't eat.] Rabbit's less gross than fish.

[gleans]

[ Nnnnyyyeeehhh. He scrunches his face, but fine, he's smiling a little. ] I've never had this much... alternative meat before in my life. [ Galen, think about what you just said. ]

[rigging]

[ ... Oops, sorry, drunk!Jesse finds that immensely hilarious. Alternative meat PFFFT. No coherent answer out him, just endless giggling. ]

[onteamdyson]

[Kenzi just stares... and seconds the hilarity.] You sure about that, Rockstar?

[Oh no, double gigglefits across the sky. It's so intense.]

[gleans]

[ Wh -- ] Oh my god, shut up. You know what I mean.