Kenzi and Jesse are drunk idiots - JOINTPOSTEXTRAVAGANZA!

[onteamdyson]

[The feed starts out as audio of two idiots giggling, snickering, and clanging some pots or some shiz around until idiot number one remembers how to switch to video. Suddenly there's a shirtless Jesse standing in front of the stove with a frying pan in hand while Kenzi sits on the counter filming this magic.

You're welcome, Kore.]

Okay! Okay-- no, shut up! Okay. Today on cooking with Kenzi, we have speeeeecial guest, Chef Hotsauce cookin' up some grub. No-- no, dude, it's totally-- you have to call it grub if you caught it. I caught it. Okay, go. Go! Whatcha cookin', Hotsauce?

[ He will NOT shut up, rude. He's laughing too hard to answer for a second, because Hotsauce. Also, he's very drunk. It's hard to stop anything when he's drunk. ]

Cookin' - Hotsauce, jesus - rabbit. Fuckin' rabbit that Miss Kenzi caught all on her lonesome. Round of applause for her badassery, yeah? [ To his credit, his gaze only flickers to the camera once during all of his words. ] Rabbit and. Leaves. The fuck are these. [ Dude. You're the chef, you should know what that handful of rosemary is. ]

You heard it, folks! Rabbit. And. Leaves. This is culinary freakin'... genius you're witnessing. Okay. Do we need salt? I can salt it. I can do the salt part, Jesse. Just watch me. I'm saltacular. Trust me with the salt! Can I touch something? What about this?!

[That sure is a spatula suddenly in front of the camera. That sure is a spatula hitting Jesse in the arm... that sure is an unsanitary spatula now. Great.

KENZI sit down, Jesse is cooking. Does it need salt? Probably. Jesse shrugs, throwing the rosemary on top of the rabbit in the pan in front of him, and reaches for his glass, which is nearly empty. He's had a few. The spatula, however, makes him jump, which means they now have both a spatula that is unsanitary and a rabbit that is covered in rum. Uh. ]

Shit! Fuckin' - uh. Oops.

[Kenzi's laughing so damn hard that she drops the spatula, doubles over, and can barely breathe by the time she finally shuts off the feed. Don't try this at home, ladies and gents. Also... no one eat that.]

Comments

ACTION

[rigging]

[ Yeah, no, seriously, nobody eat that. It's a wasted rabbit, but Jesse's sure they can salvage it somehow. Sometime. He doesn't know, he doesn't care right now, because Kenzi's making him laugh just by laughing. He's giggling so hard he nearly falls over, and when he can stop, he's actually on the floor, peering up at Kenzi.

How... many has he had, he can't remember. ] Fuckin' - spatula. [ Man, seriously. Fuck that thing. A beat. ] Did y'salt the rabbit? [ HEEHEE. ]

[onteamdyson]

[Oh god, the fallen Jesse just makes her laugh more and she seriously can't even make sounds for a good couple of seconds because she has no air left in her lungs. Holy hell-- okay. Okay. At least she had enough sense to put her hair up so it wouldn't catch fire because it probably would have hit the stove during that little episode.]

NO! No-- wait, hang on ... [The tiny, Russian-Canadian wonder can certainly hold her alcohol, but she's had quite a few drinks as well. Her movements are sluggish and uncoordinated as she reaches for the salt and ends up just sort of flinging it towards the pan.] THERE! I did it.

... Oh my god, you are so far away right now. Why are you down there? Duuuude. Did you get hired to be a roomba and forgot to even TELL me?

[rigging]

[ Jesse can too, but he hasn't had anything to drink in a while, and he's also had a lot. Which means when Kenzi sort of just flings the salt he collapses into laughter again, his stupid little pot-giggle snorting noises. He lays on the floor and peers up at Kenzi, fidgeting as he does, breaking out into gigglefits every so often when he remembers being called Chef Hotsauce. ]

Part time, yeah. [ He hums, grinning. Look, nothing can see him down here, it's stealthy. ] Come down here. Bring me my drink, bring your - drink, c'mon.

[onteamdyson]

[This is the best. Even when she stops laughing, she can't stop smiling! She hasn't seen Jesse this happy in ... a really, really, really long time. Too long, basically.

She snorts, grabs the glasses, and wiggles off the edge of the counter-- Wait! The bottle! The bottle, too. Oh no, she needs more hands. But she manages. Everything is set down on the floor a little clumsily as she sits cross-legged beside the floor!Jesse, grinning at him and tilting her head.]

This is the funnest thing we've done in forever. [She takes another sip of her drink and just sets her hand against his forehead. No reason, just doing it. Because she can.]

[rigging]

[ He hasn't been this happy in a really long time. Sure, part of it is manufactured from the alcohol, but it's okay, because the other part isn't! He's calm, and the bubble of anxiety that has been present for so long has slowly deflated in his chest.]

It is. [ He agrees, grabbing for his glass. He has to hoist himself up a little to drink from it, but yes, he does it. Mmyes. And he makes sure her hand is still on his forehead, because why not? He'll even scoot closer and press his face against her leg. Hi. ]

Chef Hotsauce. [ He gigglesnorts. ] Man, now everybody knows how hot I really am. Y'spilled the beans, Kenz.

[onteamdyson]

[Oh hi there. He's pretty close right now and she's half a bottle past caring. Hairpets initiate!]

Fffff-- no! No way. Pretty sure everyone was already sooooo aware of that fact. No beans were spilled! Just ...shirtless. shirtless beans. It's fine! It's okay. I'll help Galen fight them off. Soooo many junkpunches, hotsauce. So many.

[rigging]

[ He laughs again - only to be interrupted by hairpets. Hi, yes, he likes that, give him more. His hair is getting longer and shaggier than he likes it, but it means more people touch it. If he lets it get any longer it's going to be like Ghoul's pretty soon. That's a thought he promptly ignores. ]

My heroes. [ He hums, arching up into the touch like a cat. Sorry, he's. Totally distracted. ]

[onteamdyson]

[It's ADORABLE! Definitely makes her miss his soft, wolfy ears. And that gets her thinking about other stuff she misses. Nope, good plan, distractions are the way to go. Think of something else. Hair.]

Dude, you need a freakin' trim. Let me do it. I'll do it-- not now, but eventually. Oh my god... did you know I totes wanted to hate your guts? I reaaaaaaally did. I was so prepared to hate your guts and I was even kinda jealous but now I just totally love your stupid face. How dare you.

[rigging]

[ He kind of misses the wolfy ears. He misses the wolf - as annoying as it had been at times, the presence had been comforting. His leg's about to start kicking, here, but Kenzi speaks up, and Jesse peers up at her. ]

Wait - what? [ He squints. ] Jealous of me, for what? [ No seriously why would she be jealous of him, he's gross. ]

( action )

[gleans]

[ WHAT IS THIS RUMPUS? Galen hears the noise downstairs and comes to investigate, stopping and staring in the kitchen doorway for the latter half of their, uh... broadcast. ]

... You guys are trashed, aren't you.

( action )

[rigging]

Trashed - implies somethin' negative. [ Jesse informs Galen from the floor, grinning widely. ] We're - I dunno, Kenz, what's a word. Sloshy? Bamboozled.

( action )

[onteamdyson]

Kippered! [She suggests, cheerfully, and raises her glass in Galen's direction.] No... no, wait, we're ... F-fff-- we're sauced.

[gleans]

[ He honestly has no idea how to react. It's funny, but maybe he's just 1000% done with alcohol after his grief-induced indiscretion the other day. ]

Uh huh. Sooo you couldn't do that away from a hot stove?

[rigging]

Sauced, that's a good word. [ He peers at Galen. ] Ay, ay, we're away from the stove. Sorta. I'm careful! I'm so careful. Kenzi's my lookout.

[onteamdyson]

So careful. [Probably not as convincing as it could be with all the laughter.] Nothing's on fire yet! Still good. Come here!

[gleans]

[ He shuffles in, stopping next to the two of them, eyeing their creepy creation. It... doesn't look terribly appetizing. ]

I'm totally looking forward to watching you guys eat this thing, anyway. You think Anna can cure food poisoning?

[rigging]

[ Jesse sniffs, making an obnoxious face. ] Can Anna cure your bad attitude 'bout our cooking? [ oh snap ]

action

[nedofpies]

[ Ned hasn't been looking at his communicator, so he doesn't really have any warning when he wanders vaguely in the direction of the kitchen for a glass of water and comes across....all this. ]

Uh... hi guys.

[rigging]

[ Don't worry about it, Ned, just some self-medication going on here. He is still on the floor, half in Kenzi's lap, when Ned makes his way in. Jesse offers him a grin. ]

Ned! We - I was gonna try t'make you food but then. I don't think you eat... meat, huh? So I sucked. Don't touch the rabbit with leaves.

[onteamdyson]

HE DOESN'T! [Way to go, Jesse. So insensitive.] It's okay! It's okay. We'll feed it to Galen. Ned can... can have the vegetarian option. So. I mean-- just... leaves.

[Yes. That-- okay. Yes. She nods.]

[nedofpies]

[ Yeah he's definitely spotted the rabbit with leaves, and gives it a slightly queasy look for a moment. But then he can't help returning Jesse's grin. He's not going to judge them a single bit for this. Sure, Jesse might not have seen him when he got falling-over-himself drunk before, but it had still happened. And they look like they're enjoying themselves? ]

No cooking necessary. I'm happy with just the leaves. [ He thinks about asking why Jesse isn't wearing a shirt, but it's probably best to just not even go there. Instead he says: ] Are they a particular kind of leaves?

[rigging]

[ For whatever reason just leaves is funny, and Jesse has to stifle his giggles. If Ned looks, he'll see that Jesse's shirt has ended up over the camera in the kitchen, which has been a sort of familiar sight the past few days - he can't help it. ]

Good, see, Kenzi. [ He makes a face at her. Then: ] Rosemary! They're - s'not a salad. It's shitty, we're really fuckin' bad at cooking, Ned.

[onteamdyson]

What?! [Forget your face. She is covering that face with both hands to pout at Ned.] I'm amazing at cooking. Ned, I salted it. That-- it was so much skill. Ned, did you see? Salt. Saltacular. Jesse's ... he's the one that's-- [Wait. Wait, are you guys ready for this Jesse impression?] really fuckin' bad at cooking.

[Nailed it.]

[nedofpies]

[ Okay, yeah, he was managing to keep it together until Kenzi does her Jesse impression, but then it's way too funny and Ned starts to laugh, one hand over his mouth. He feels weird... towering over the both of them, so he, after a moment of awkward deliberation, joins them on the floor, sitting cross-legged a few feet off. ]

Salt is pretty saltacular. It can do a world of good. I'm sure it turned out wonderfully. [ He tilts his head a little to the side, asks ] What brought on this sudden culinary impulse?

[rigging]

[ It's the combination of Kenzi's impression and Ned's laughter that gets Jesse to collapse into giggles again. He bats at Kenzi's hands, and then promptly licks her palms. Get off his face, bro.

He's also thrilled that Ned sits down with them! He wiggles on Kenzi's lap. ] Uh. Alcohol. [ He's pretty sure. He peers at Kenzi. ] We was hungry, and also, drunk kitchen. [ Because that explains all of it. ]