Kenzi and Jesse are drunk idiots - JOINTPOSTEXTRAVAGANZA!

[onteamdyson]

[The feed starts out as audio of two idiots giggling, snickering, and clanging some pots or some shiz around until idiot number one remembers how to switch to video. Suddenly there's a shirtless Jesse standing in front of the stove with a frying pan in hand while Kenzi sits on the counter filming this magic.

You're welcome, Kore.]

Okay! Okay-- no, shut up! Okay. Today on cooking with Kenzi, we have speeeeecial guest, Chef Hotsauce cookin' up some grub. No-- no, dude, it's totally-- you have to call it grub if you caught it. I caught it. Okay, go. Go! Whatcha cookin', Hotsauce?

[ He will NOT shut up, rude. He's laughing too hard to answer for a second, because Hotsauce. Also, he's very drunk. It's hard to stop anything when he's drunk. ]

Cookin' - Hotsauce, jesus - rabbit. Fuckin' rabbit that Miss Kenzi caught all on her lonesome. Round of applause for her badassery, yeah? [ To his credit, his gaze only flickers to the camera once during all of his words. ] Rabbit and. Leaves. The fuck are these. [ Dude. You're the chef, you should know what that handful of rosemary is. ]

You heard it, folks! Rabbit. And. Leaves. This is culinary freakin'... genius you're witnessing. Okay. Do we need salt? I can salt it. I can do the salt part, Jesse. Just watch me. I'm saltacular. Trust me with the salt! Can I touch something? What about this?!

[That sure is a spatula suddenly in front of the camera. That sure is a spatula hitting Jesse in the arm... that sure is an unsanitary spatula now. Great.

KENZI sit down, Jesse is cooking. Does it need salt? Probably. Jesse shrugs, throwing the rosemary on top of the rabbit in the pan in front of him, and reaches for his glass, which is nearly empty. He's had a few. The spatula, however, makes him jump, which means they now have both a spatula that is unsanitary and a rabbit that is covered in rum. Uh. ]

Shit! Fuckin' - uh. Oops.

[Kenzi's laughing so damn hard that she drops the spatula, doubles over, and can barely breathe by the time she finally shuts off the feed. Don't try this at home, ladies and gents. Also... no one eat that.]

Comments

[rigging]

My secret. Is. [ Excuse you, look at him when he's spilling important things! He makes a grumbling sort of noise and worms his way up, steadies himself, and takes her face in his hands. ] It's.

[ He wrinkles his nose. ] When I was a wolf, I attacked you cause I thought - cause I thought you was gonna take Galen but - not... It was 'cause I was jealous of both'a you. 'Cause if you went with Galen then I'd get neither of you, and then I'd probably die. [ He sniffs idly, reaching to tuck her hair behind her ear. ] Love both of you.

[onteamdyson]

[oh. My. God. That's kind of a big secret. She was expecting something more along the lines of 'oh, by the way, I can turn cat vomit into gold.' Because that kind of shit she can handle more than-- holy crap. Drunkbrain can't process this. Yeah, okay, they've all said 'i love you' a bunch of times by now and meant it but--

First she just stares at him. Then she leans in like she's going to kiss him. And then she swiftly delivers a punch to his kidney!]

DUDE! You can't just... no. Don't. Do not mess up the best thing in this place because of me. Are you insane? Stop... I'd never take him away from you. Never do that. How could you even-- [another punch! This time to the shoulder, but there's no heat behind it. Barely a tap.] Asshole.

[rigging]

[ Ow! Ow, Kenzi, your punches hurt. She gets him right in the kidney and he ends up flopped on the floor drunkenly with a little yelp. He wasn't expecting anything good, but he wasn't expecting a punch, either, and he looks up at her in a wounded sort of fashion, wrapping his arms around his stomach. ] I know you wouldn't take 'im from me, dumbshit. [ Look, she punched him, he's mad. ] That was the wolf, I ain't had control of it - that weren't even the point.

[ But she's being pretty clear, so Jesse's anger sort of abruptly fades and he curls up in a ball on the floor. Way too drunk for this shit. ] Whatever. M'an asshole, what's new.

[onteamdyson]

[What-- no! Fuck. Dammit, Jesse. That's not--

Everything is so mixed up and fuzzy under a haze of rum and confusion that she doesn't even know what she's trying to say right now, but whatever it is... it's not supposed to make him dive headfirst into fetal position and more sads.

She sighs and rubs at her face, which she can barely feel anymore but she knows it's warm and red and flustered, with both hands. Fine. If he's gonna lie on the floor, she's gonna lie on the floor, too. And if he's gonna curl up in a ball, she's just gonna curl around him until she figures out words. This situation is definitely sobering her up.]

You're not an asshole, dorkbrain. Actually, you're currently tied for greatest dude I know, favourite person, and most important thing. So just ... shut up. Don't wreck it. [A beat.] Being close is enough. Being near you guys-- if I ever messed you two up, I'd never forgive myself. So just keep it on the DL.

[But this kind of hurts. She makes a little whining sound and presses her head against his back.] Love you both, too. For reals. Not drunk-talk. For reals, dude.

[rigging]

[ Just keep it on the DL. He wants to argue, he wants to tell her that it's not going to wreck it, but he has no way of knowing. He can barely take care of himself right now, let alone two other people - let alone Galen, who he should be taking care of. Maybe it's not the best idea right now. But he still wants it, he still wants to argue - not just because he's drunk but because the idea of it makes him feel better. He just wants to feel like loving both of them isn't wrong. But maybe it is - and maybe that's the reason.

The realization makes him fall silent, staring down at the floor.

For a moment, he stays that way, and then he curls up a little more tightly and holds onto her hands with his own. ] I know. [ He mumbles. It's the wrong thing to say, but. ] Love both of you. [ And maybe he fidgets, turns around so he can press their foreheads together, eyes closed. ] Don't go anywhere. Please.

[onteamdyson]

[That silence worries the hell out of her. She relaxes a little when he holds her hands but the worry is still there and it's kind of overwhelming. Galen and Jesse being okay is her first priority right now. Even before her own safety, which is BIG. That just doesn't happen. Kenzi is selfish, immature, and clingy as all hell, but if her selfishness ever made either one of them not okay, she'd probably self destruct.

Her arms wind around his neck when their foreheads touch. It's about as much as she'll allow herself. Hell, drunk on the kitchen floor with Jesse No-shirt is already pretty bad, but she's trying to be good. Wobbly, drunk, but still good.]

Shhhh. I won't. I'm staying right here. I'll always be here when you need me, okay? Even if-- ... even if we can't say it, you bet your electric ass I always love you. Both. Always. Deal? Just shush. Don't... just don't say anything. I'll still be here.