001 | Hal Yorke | Day 75 [ all replies audio ]

[unsanguine]

[ Good morning, Vietkore! Let us bring in the sun with a vampire. A vampire who is definitely not in South Wales anymore.

Having had the better part of two days to absorb this new and unsettling problem, he might have time to make the requisite Wizard of Oz reference except for having only the barest idea where Kansas is, and being in no way equipped for that joke anyway. It's for the best, he'd just have something snide to say about the Gold Standard and heavy-handed metaphors.


As things are, on this day the Cape is saved the fantastic confusion of what would be a video message from a disembodied voice by virtue of the fact that he's now had some assistance in how his shiny and unremovable accessory works, and so only engages the audio function. Thus, a clipped English accent greets the populace, said accent suggesting its speaker was born with about eighty silver spoons in his mouth.

Possibly no assertion has ever been less correct.

Extensive throat clearing; this feels about as comfortable as using voice mail, except with less assurance anyone will get the message. ]

Ahem. Assuming this comely new accoutrement [ virtually hemorrhaging sarcasm there ] does transmit one's messages into the ether and I haven't made even more an idiot of myself than suggested by my current predicament, a few small and humble requests of anyone who might be listening.

I was er, wondering if anyone might have some neglected household chores I could be so bold as to take off your hands? If finances are a concern rest assured I have no intention of charging for my services, I--find myself lacking the usual routines from home. Stress relief, you know, very important in today's madcap and slapdash world.

[...uncomfortable silence. ]

Is the thing to do to introduce oneself? This is Hal. Hal Yorke, signing off now.

[ .........................................help? ]

Comments

[Video]

[undomesticated]

[Hal may not want to be visible to the network, but Riley decides to give him a bright smile when she turns on her device to answer.]

Are you seriously offering to do some cleaning? Like, seriously-seriously? Because, um, we have some kind of less than immaculate people in this house.

[No names. No names at all. Kenzi.]

I'm sure we could figure out something in return. We'll wait and see if you have anything you need that pops up.

[DEFINITIVELY AUDIO player is a goob]

[unsanguine]

[ Hal is physically incapable of being visible to the network. When his best friend was a barber, the 'how do you like your haircut' jokes were constant. ]

I--yes. As I said I find it relaxing.

[ Doesn't everyone? He ...dithers for a second, silently. ]

You wouldn't know where to find a set of dominoes, would you? I'd consider that payment in full, and more.

[undomesticated]

Sorry, I don't really think they stock the place for entertainment purposes. You could always make a set if you can find a good knife for whittling or carving.

I could always go looking for wood the next time I go hunting that would make a good set or two?

[unsanguine]

...whittling. [ He pronounces this as if she has suggested he, perhaps, rub the fresh corpse of a small dead animal on his face. ] No, I'd be no good at that at all.

[undomesticated]

[She tries not to smile, but she's doing a terrible job of it and he can likely see that.]

Not a fan of handiwork, huh? That's okay, I'm not too bad at it. Sort of.

[She could possibly hack and slash her way through some wood to make passable dominoes.]

help, they're precious

[unsanguine]

[ Hal can indeed see this; his voice goes the shade of uncertain and abashed where a person is aware they've been rude and that rudeness has been tolerated rather than clipped. ]

I've always found it rather prosaic. [ ....that is not how we do 'not rude,' honey. ] Though I can assure you'd find me an appreciative recipient.

[ She has nooooo idea just how appreciative, actually. ]

=) Silly Hal

[undomesticated]

Maybe, but that doesn't make it a bad thing. Someone has to do the day to day things, right?

[She doesn't mind being considered a doer as opposed to a thinker. She is a doer and she likes working with her hands.]

I'll look at putting together a set, then. Don't expect anything fancy. My dad's the carver.

he is the actual dorkiest person alive --oh wait he's dead

[unsanguine]

Quite right. A person can't accomplish much without a clean carpet underneath him, I always say.

[ What, cleaning is a day to day thing right? Or an ...hour to hour thing. Depending on the stresses of the day. Meanwhile an awkward, tongue-tied silence has taken over the communicative frequency between them, broken eventually by a small hem type sound. ]

Well. [ Go on Hal, you can say it. ] I suppose thanks are in order then?

[ ...A for effort? ]

Undead

[undomesticated]

[She rolls her eyes and she does it where he can see it.] Gee, don't hurt yourself or anything.

Besides, no thank yous until you see them. They could be the worst dominoes in the history of dominoes.

[unsanguine]

My purposes are hardly decorative, I--I need them. To keep up with my routines, you see.

[undomesticated]

Do you have some kind of OCD or something?

[It would explain why he'd been fiddling with just one in his pocket, and why he had just one there to start with.]

[unsanguine]

[ Unseen Hal produces the sort of expression people get when they've only been recently introduced to a term and are unsure how they feel about its application to them. What ripples across the audio is just a terrible little laugh. ]

Of some kind, yes.

[undomesticated]

Oh. I'm sorry. That must suck.

[She looks apologetically at the screen, shrugging her shoulders.]

Then I'll just work extra hard to make sure they're all as alike as possible.

[unsanguine]

[ ...silence, wherein Hal experiences a gamut of emotion as follows: he's relieved not to be obliged to explain (and not to be belittled, frankly), and--touched, he thinks; most people don't understand that much about his condition (his own personal euphemism), or even if they do a concession like that wouldn't occur. So he's subdued. ]

That's very kind of you.

[ Much more genuine now. ]

[undomesticated]

No reason why we can't have a little bit of enjoyment and calm in all this, right?

[She smiles wider, pleased that he seems to like the idea, already going through in her mind the places where she'd seen some decent trees with deadfall.]

[unsanguine]

[ Hal dredges the depths of his mind for something not stupid as a response for this. ]

Quite right. Speaking of handiwork - [ which they no longer were ] I do please myself with the odd bit of origami. It's not exactly whittling, but I'd be more than happy to demonstrate.

[undomesticated]

Really? I could never get the hang of that.

[Probably because she hadn't had the patience at nine to sit and carefully fold things when they'd found someone in Thailand willing to show her.]

I'd love to see what you can make.

[unsanguine]

If you'll take my recommendation you'd do well to give it a try. Keeps the fingers and the mind nimble.

[ That didn't--he didn't actually mean that to indicate Riley suffers in either department, but uh. Sometimes words come out of his mouth. ]

So it's settled? You'll provide me with a few chores in exchange?

[undomesticated]

Ha ha. A few? Hal, you're going to regret ever making that offer as soon as you step in the door.

[The house was a disaster zone with a few isolated areas of clean (like certain people's bedrooms).]

[unsanguine]

Good, then I can expect to be occupied for some time.

[undomesticated]

Oh, yeah. You'll be occupied.

[And probably require a full hazmat suit, vampire or not.]

[unsanguine]

And better for it, I should think. Did you have a particular day in mind?

[ Two of them. Probably. ]

[undomesticated]

You're the one cleaning, Hal. Come over whenever's best for you.

[Take your time, Hal.]

[unsanguine]

Do you have the proper supplies on hand? Cleaning fluid? Mop and broom? Marigolds? Or shall I bring my own?

[ Yes, he has already found some. ]

[undomesticated]

Um, I'd bring your own. Pretty sure none of those exist here. Or if they do, they're hidden away.