[ video - day 206 ]

[lost_my_shoe]

[ Private video to Jo Harvelle ]

[ Remember how much older and more tired Sam looked when you first arrived, Jo? Well, he looks a whole lot worse now. Don't take it personally. The last few days have been hard for him. ]

Hey... You still up for that drink?

Comments

[knifecollecting]

[Why ask for her opinion if you aren't even going to listen.]

What do you think I need to know the most?

[lost_my_shoe]

I'll try and stick to the footnotes... [ Even the footnotes version is pretty complex, let's be real. ]

I got married to an obsessed fangirl. That was... interesting. I was roofied. [ Great start, Sam! ]

Bobby died. It was really hard. And kinda our fault. And the Leviathans. Freakin' Leviathans, man. Talk about tough mothers...

[ Sam, you suck at footnotes! Really suck. ]

I was pretty messed up. Apparently leaving your soul in Hell for a year with Lucifer and Michael does that to you. Cas patched me up, but it came at a cost. That's how Meg helped us out. We needed help looking after him and she stepped up to the plate.

Then Dean and Cas ended up in Purgatory. I hit a dog and I met this girl... [ Should he go on? ]

[knifecollecting]

[Okay, ignoring the stuff about Meg and pushing relationships until later-]

Bobby's dead?

[lost_my_shoe]

Yeah. He, uh, he got shot in the head...

[ It still hurts. Bobby was family. ]

[knifecollecting]

[Jo takes a long drink and sighs.]

Why? What was he doing?

[lost_my_shoe]

[ Sam gives a self-depreciating scoff. ]

What do you think? Getting involved in Winchester crap. I swear my freakin' family is cursed. Everyone who gets close to us gets hurt or killed. We're toxic.

[knifecollecting]

[She stretches across the table to pat his arm, pulling back after a second to take another drink.]

Most of us make the choice to get involved.

[lost_my_shoe]

Doesn't change the fact there's a whole list of people who died just because they decided to work with us.

[ And it's a list that just keeps on growing. ]

We found a way to close the gates of Hell forever, y'know? We had to do these trials. Well, I had to do these trials. And I got close. I was about to finish the last one but Dean stopped me.

I could've stopped Crowley and the demons and Abaddon and all of it. But Dean stopped me.

And Cas was trying to fix Heaven, but the guy he was working with, Metatron, scribe of God, turned out to be a jerk and stole Cas's Grace for a spell to cast all the angels out of Heaven.

The trials nearly killed me. Should've killed me. I was ready to die. But Dean tricked me into letting an angel use me, to heal me, to heal himself. I was so angry. Part of me still is.

[knifecollecting]

[That's a hell of a lot to dump on a girl all at once, Sam. Give her a second.

...Okay. That's all messed up.]

You were angry Dean didn't let you die?

[lost_my_shoe]

He tricked me into letting an angel possess me! That wasn't his call. I should've had that choice!

[ Sam has a right to be pissed, right? ]

[knifecollecting]

[Jo has no idea.]

What would you have chose?

[lost_my_shoe]

To be honest? I got no idea. The way I felt at the time... probably woulda chosen to die.

[knifecollecting]

[Pardon Jo for looking a little heartbroken at that.]

Dean can never let you go.

[lost_my_shoe]

[ Sorry Jo. But he was in a really bad way at the time. ]

I know. But one day he's gonna have to...

[knifecollecting]

It'll take a lot of work.

[lost_my_shoe]

Course, if Cas is right and Dean is dead back home... We might not be able to bring him back.

Might be me that has to let go.

[knifecollecting]

Can you?

[lost_my_shoe]

[ That right there is the million dollar question, Jo. ]

I don't know. I thought I could. But maybe I can't. I mean, I guess I kinda did when he was in Purgatory. I didn't know if he was dead or alive or where to even start looking so I just... didn't.

I lived a normal life. And I was kinda happy for once.

But knowing Metatron killed him? I dunno.

[knifecollecting]

[Oh, Sam. You Winchester boys never really get out, do you? She reaches across the table to refill his glass and sighs.]

I'm sorry, Sam. I wish I could do something.

[lost_my_shoe]

[ They try. But there's always something waiting just around the corner to drag them right back in. Sam's been trying to get out of this gig since he left for college and he's still trying.

Maybe he'll never get out. He'll be just like his dad or Bobby or Rufus. ]

You've done more than you know. Feels good to talk. Thanks, Jo.

[knifecollecting]

I'm good at listening to people while they drink. [She laughs quietly, lifting her own glass in a sarcastic toast.

She hasn't been a bartender in years, but she'll still listen to the Winchesters if they're willing to talk.]

[lost_my_shoe]

[ He can drink to that! And he fills their glasses up again. Who needs a healthy, functioning liver? Although when the hangover and the worshiping of the porcelain gods kicks in, he might reconsider whether or not this was a good idea. ]

You know if you ever want the favour returning... I'm a pretty good listener myself.

[knifecollecting]

[Hangover shouldn't deter him.]

What do I have to talk about? [Lots of things, but shh.]

[lost_my_shoe]

I dunno. But I'm sure there must be something. You know where to find me - anytime.

[knifecollecting]

We'll see. Don't hold your breath. [Jo isn't in the habit of sharing, really.]