what is this / 01

[stiling]

[ The transmission starts off audio, a confused voice spluttering to itself as Stiles haplessly hits buttons on his communicator. ]

Okay, well, ya said Cape Kore like that means anything to me, but here's the thing, sucker, is that I've never been to a Cape Anything. --Who even lives near a cape, I'm not a cape kind of --

[ Video! It flips over and the face jumps and makes a few surprised shapes. ]

Well. Hello, guy. That just flashed. Nine-one-one? Hello? I'm, um. I'm not living here. There's been a mistake.

Comments

[porcelainpride]

No, that part. Like being abducted is something you can somehow control b virtue of being un-abduct-able.

[stiling]

Can't I? Is there a face that doesn't get people kidnapped? Because I'd really like to learn some tips.

[ Seriously, how many times is this now? ]

[porcelainpride]

If there is, you don't have it.

[stiling]

Yeah, you're telling me.

[ And, as if the thought's just occurred to him that, yeah, he might just be in the same boat here: ] Is this a, uh, regular kinda thing?

[porcelainpride]

You mean, is this a charming coastal tourist hotspot that you've been abducted to? No.

In fact, my theory is that we've all been kidnapped as some sort of massive experiment. Expect dissections any day now.

[stiling]

[ INDIGNANT SQUAWK. ]

Wa-hoa, what, that's a joke. Oh, that's a joke.

[porcelainpride]

Partially, yes.

[stiling]

That's- That's not a joke. Oh, God, I'm gonna die. That's it. Everything coming to fruition.

[porcelainpride]

If it's any comfort, we're all probably going to die.

[stiling]

I think wherever you got comfort outta needs some serious overhaul, guy.

[porcelainpride]

Kurt. I'm Kurt. And I'm attempting to be optimistic.

[stiling]

I think you might'a missed a lesson or two in that class, Kurt.

[ He pauses a beat, and then, ] Look, I'm sorry, crap, I mean. You're in this too, I'm just kind of trying to process the whole hi, I'm kidnapped and a freaking potential lab experiment thing. It's not going well.

[porcelainpride]

It's all right, it happens to everyone. You adapt and accept or you get eaten, really.

[stiling]

Eaten? By like, uh. [ He tugs at his collar. ] The dissonant reality that is our lives?

[porcelainpride]

...that. Sure. Or the wolves and hellcats.

[stiling]

Wolves -

[ Christ, this stuff followed him. ]

What, precisely, differentiates a hellcat from your regular kinda tabby?

[porcelainpride]

[He pauses, thinking, then holds his hands about a foot apart.] Regular cat.

[Stretches his arms as far as he can.] Hellcat.

[stiling]

[ Stiles wets his lips, giving a faint nod. ] Hellcat.

Like a mountain lion?

[porcelainpride]

Bigger and more focused on murder. [Kurt seems totally chill about all this, really. It's the little things, like sharing the horrors with newcomers, that make life livable.]

[stiling]

Mass-murdering linebacker mountain lions?

[ His own face doesn't seem to know what to do with itself, making a few funny shapes while he's at it. But he's panicked and giving half-hearted laughs at his own jokes, it's a thing. ]

Any second now, you can do the 'ha ha, this is the joke part' thing. I'll allow it.

[porcelainpride]

I'd love to, really, but that'd be thoroughly dishonest.

[stiling]

Is this, like, a regular kind of thing? [ Pause. ] Or are you just a secret ninja warrior from beyond who can keep up with sudden onslaughts of various hellbeasts, oh man, that would be so cool.

[porcelainpride]

I wish. It's a regular thing, at this point.

[stiling]

That's fucked up, Kurt.

[ Another beat, before he sighs and introduces himself finally. ] Stiles. I never gave you my name.

[porcelainpride]

....Stiles. Hm.

Nice to meet you and I apologize for the circumstances it's in.