what is this / 01

[stiling]

[ The transmission starts off audio, a confused voice spluttering to itself as Stiles haplessly hits buttons on his communicator. ]

Okay, well, ya said Cape Kore like that means anything to me, but here's the thing, sucker, is that I've never been to a Cape Anything. --Who even lives near a cape, I'm not a cape kind of --

[ Video! It flips over and the face jumps and makes a few surprised shapes. ]

Well. Hello, guy. That just flashed. Nine-one-one? Hello? I'm, um. I'm not living here. There's been a mistake.

Comments

[ Video ]

[goodluckkobra]

Uh, yeah, me and Lyds are tight. We live together and I'm her bodyguard.

[She might not know that, but that doesn't matter!]

[ Video ]

[stiling]

Are you the robot, sorry. Hi.

[ He clears his throat, nods once. ] Stiles.

[ Video ]

[goodluckkobra]

No, I'm Kobra. Dan's the robot. He's totally awesome and made of the future.

[Well, now he's just genuinely excited. Another robot enthusiast?!]

[ Video ]

[stiling]

[ Robots are the bomb and nobody will ever tell him different. ]

Baller. Oh, so you're the- y'know. Not-actually-a-snake.

[ Video ]

[goodluckkobra]

Just a snake in the bedroom. [Does that make sense? He's not going to worry about that.]

I'm from the future, too, but not from Dan's future. He's super-future.

[ Video ]

[stiling]

[ Stiles is worried. Stiles is very worried. ] Was that like a biting innuendo thing? Or do you just get around with your tongue, wow, I'm going to stop this train of thought in the station.

[ Future instead! Because Lydia's instructed him and he's trying really, really hard to do the whole suspension of belief thing. ] So what's the difference? Also, are there jetpacks?

[ Video ]

[goodluckkobra]

I have a laser gun, but I'm totally earthbound. Dan travels in space!

[A pause.] And you can totally find out if you wanna. [He's not talking about the future.]

[ Video ]

[stiling]

Dude, you shoot freaking lasers, just call you Han!

[ Stiles, who has heard of rumors of this strange phenomenon called 'flirting', is a little lost on the uptake. ] Find- It. Hmm?

[ Video ]

[goodluckkobra]

[Kobra laughs.] What I do in the bedroom. You can find out, if you want.

[ Video ]

[stiling]

[ Stiles all but looks over his own shoulder to check if someone's behind him. Instinct, man. ]

You're picking up on m...e.

[ Video ]

[goodluckkobra]

Am I losin' my touch or are we having totally different conversations here?

[ Video ]

[stiling]

Losing your- [ He gives a breathless laugh. ] Touch totally intact, trust me.

I've just, uh, [ still got his cherry? ] got a friend back home who owes me ten bucks.

[ Video ]

[goodluckkobra]

Well, if he doesn't give it to you, you punch him. You don't stiff friends. [But punching them is fine!]

[ Video ]

[stiling]

Oh, he's gonna pay up: there's a hot dude frickin' flirting with me!

[ Stiles does a single fist pump and then, probably, remembers where he is. ]

And I- was gonna be so cool until that moment.

[ Video ]

[goodluckkobra]

Damn skippy! [He's not going to argue with the hot.] And being cool is overrated. You should aim for awesome instead.

[ Video ]

[stiling]

[ That didn't put him off. THAT DIDN'T PUT HIM OFF, Stiles is so good right now. ]

On a cool scale of one to Clooney, I rate about, I dunno, Urkel. So awesome? I can do.

[ Video ]

[goodluckkobra]

Clooney's overrated. I've always felt like more of a Daniel Day-Lewis or a Johnny Depp, myself.

[ Video ]

[stiling]

Oh, totally. But suave like a motherfucker no matter which way you slice it.

You've got the Depp kinda hair. Plus he gets to be a pirate.

[ Video ]

[goodluckkobra]

[He runs his hand through his hair. It is pretty awesome, isn't it?]

I always wanted to be a pirate, 'cept I can't swim all that great. Good thing I switched to superhero, right?

[ Video ]

[stiling]

[ Stiles unconsciously mirrors him, fingers scrubbing into his own cropped hair. Or lack thereof. ]

Superhero beats pirate any day of the week. Pirates don't get phasers. [ He grins. ] Guess that rules you out on the skinny-dipping front 'round these parts.

[ Video ]

[goodluckkobra]

Kinda cold for that, anyway, but if you wanna see me naked, all you gotta do is ask.

[ Video ]

[stiling]

[ Suddenly choking, on absolutely nothing except maybe air. ]

That would be great. It. What? You're a pretty forward dude.

[ Video ]

[goodluckkobra]

Hey, I just know what I like. [And it's sex. Who doesn't like a good time? Besides even if Stiles just wants to look, Kobra knows he looks good.]

[ Video ]

[stiling]

[ He grins again, flattered or flabbergasted or something his face can't decide on. But his tone's a little self-deprecating when he speaks up again. ]

And that's weird new dudes you just met over the magical wristwatch phone?

[ Video ]

[goodluckkobra]

[He shrugs.] Having a good time with good-looking people. Besides, you'd Lyds' friend, right? Totally not a stranger at all.